Good in Bed Blogs

Welcome to the Good in Bed Blogs, where we are happy to offer:

  • "Advice from the Experts" from our team of resident experts -- they're keeping a pulse on the passions of the American bedroom.  If you need advice, or have a question for one of our experts, please also visit our forum.
  • "Sex on the Brain" from sex and relationships counselor, Ian Kerner, Ph.D.  As a NY Times best-selling author and TODAY Show contributor, Ian addresses issues that are common to the "American bedroom" but nonetheless lead to lives of quiet desperation.
  • "Sex Nerd" from Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. With more than a decade's experience as a sex educator Emily brings insight and clarity to the often perplexing, always fascinating world of human sexuality.
  • "Psychology of Sex" from Justin Lehmiller, PhD. Writing at the intersection of science and psychology, Dr. Lehmiller brings you practical advice and intriguing insight into what makes us sexually tick.
  • "Queer Eye for Sex" with Margie Nichols, Ph.D. Margie is a licensed psychologist and the founder of the Institute for Personal Growth. In this blog she shares her thoughts on sex and gender issues from an LGBTQ perspective.
  • "Sex Trends" with Kristen Mark. This blog stays abreast of our surveys, parses the data and distills results.
  • "Sex After Cancer" with Keri Peterson MD and Patty Brisben. A blog for surviving and thriving, living and loving.
  • You can browse for advice by category and topic using our Advice Index.
  • Please peruse our Disclaimer, as our blogs are not intended to replace medical advice.
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Advice from the Experts

No age-limit on Great Sex

Posted by Ian Kerner

Contrary to the recent musings of Miley Cyrus that sex goes kaput once you hit 40, there's research to support that older people are right to have "great sexpectations."But research has shown that as people age, they don't necessarily forget how to have a good time in the bedroom."Sex can be better...

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After an Affair

Posted by Ian Kerner

We've all heard the adage: "Once a cheater, always a cheater." If your partner has been unfaithful, you're likely getting all sorts of advice from well-meaning friends and family.Much of that advice may involve ending your relationship. Yet it's possible -- and perhaps even beneficial -- to stay in a...

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Can you change your sexual response?

Posted by Emily Nagoski

A useful way to think about the idea of sexual response is to break it into two concepts: arousal and arousability.Arousability refers to your trait levels of SIS and SES (dual control model). Our best understanding at this point is that sexual arousability works along the lines of intelligence, height...

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Sex on the Brain

with Ian Kerner

Long Distance Relationships

Posted by Ian Kerner

The end of summer doesn't just mean it's time to buckle down at work or head back to school. For many college students, autumn also signals a disruption in summertime loving, in other words, a return to the dreaded long-distance relationship.But are these types of relationships really so hard? Or,...

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Dads with low Desire

Posted by Ian Kerner

Women may be the ones to physically go through pregnancy and childbirth, but they're not alone in the experience. From phantom pains to "sympathy" weight gain, partners of pregnant women can develop some of the physical symptoms of pregnancy. Now, a recent study suggests that these partners may undergo the same shifts...

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Sex After a Heart Attack

Posted by Ian Kerner

Having a heart attack is often a wake-up call for people to change their lives, whether that means quitting smoking, eating healthier or simply focusing on doing the things they enjoy.But surviving a heart attack can trigger anxiety, too: What if it happens again? And while many men and women...

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Sex Nerd

with Emily Nagoski

Worthwhile sex books

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Not long ago, I did a little survey to find out what folks' favorite non-fiction sex books are. Here are the results. 5 people said The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides. I have assigned this book in my class and I am wholly in agreement that this...

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simultaneous orgasms

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Simultaneous orgasm has plenty of cultural capital; it doesn't need my assistance. But this NYT article about "dating" culture among 20-somethings makes me want to put in a word for the culturally crowned Ultimate Sexual Experience. This is the paragraph that did it: Traditional courtship -- picking up the...

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Monogamy is like math

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Monogamy is like math. It comes naturally, as long as you practice.And desire?Well I've written before about the important distinction between liking versus wanting. "Desire" as it seems to be understood popularly is nearly 100% WANTING. There is a thing out there that you don't currently have, and it's appealing and...

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Psychology of Sex

Advice from Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.

Are We Drawn To Music That Includes Reproductive Messages?

Posted by Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.

"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon." - From 'Baby Got Back' by Sir Mix-A-Lot "She's got me spendin'. Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me." - From 'My Humps' by the Black Eyed Peas Evolutionary psychologists believe that men and women have...

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How Does Parenthood Affect the Sex Lives and Relationships of Gay Men

Posted by Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.

Researchers have known for years that parenthood has some predictable effects on heterosexual couples. Specifically, relationship satisfaction typically decreases1 and sexual activity usually drops off markedly once kids enter the picture.2 Given the significant increase in gay couples raising children through surrogacy and adoption in recent years, researchers have begun...

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Do Aphrodisiacs Really Work?

Posted by Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.

People around the world have long believed that certain foods are aphrodisiacs. Oysters, bananas, figs, cucumbers...the list goes on and on. But can eating any of these foods really increase sexual desire and behavior? Perhaps. But before you go booking next Friday's date at that expensive and exclusive raw bar,...

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Queer Eye for Sex

an LGBTQ Perspective with Margie Nichols

The DSM and NIMH: Why Insel Got It Right, and What It Means for Sexology

Posted by Margie Nichols

In a move that is causing consternation among psychiatrists, Thomas Insel, Director of the National Institutes of Mental Health, announced that NIMH will be 're-orienting its research away from DSM categories.' Insel called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the Bible of psychiatry, nothing more than a dictionary at best. He...

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What We Can All Learn from Gay Couples

Posted by Margie Nichols

By now most people have heard about John Gottman's research comparing gay and straight couples, publicized a few years back. Gottman, a respected psychologist and researcher, did a study of gay relationships that revealed that for the most part same and mixed sex couples had similar similar levels of relationship...

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Sex Tips from the Leather World, Part Two

Posted by Margie Nichols

First, let me say a little more about decoupling sex and love. Because, imho, the source of many of our sexual difficulties is our sloppy sentimentality about sex and love. The reason we personalize our partner's sexual behavior so much is that we are viewing sexuality through lenses distorted by...

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Sex Trends

with Kristen Mark

An Interesting (And Sexy) Trend From Our Latest Survey

Posted by Kristen Mark

One of our missions at Good in Bed is to try and change the statistic that CNN reported, indicating over 40 million Americans are stuck in a sex rut and more than half are dissatisfied with their sex lives. This grim statistic is motivation to ensure couples and individuals alike...

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What Are Your Attitudes About Valentine's Day?

Posted by Kristen Mark

It's Valentine's Day - the day of pink and red explosions of chocolates, roses, and teddy bears everywhere you look. To some, this is an exciting time; a holiday looked forward to with anticipation. To others, this is a time of annoyance and bitterness toward a holiday perceived as...

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Learning From Lack of Orgasm

Posted by Kristen Mark

I've always kept track of all of the questions that readers, students, and acquaintances ask me related to sexuality and relationships. This morning, I was reading through some of the questions, and noticed a theme of orgasm throughout. Most of the orgasm-related questions came from folks with female partners wanting...

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Sex After Cancer

Advice from Patty Brisben and Keri Peterson, MD

How Couples Can Deal with Sex After Cancer

Posted by Patty Brisben

Struggling with a cancer diagnosis? Cancer -- and its treatment -- can be overwhelming, on both a physical and an emotional level. And while this may not be on your mind at first, it can even affect your sex life. How can you make your intimate life a priority again...

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How to Help Your Partner Deal with a Cancer Diagnosis

Posted by Keri Peterson, MD

Perhaps you're reading this because your partner has been diagnosed with cancer. For that, we salute you. It's admirable that you're taking the time to educate yourself about your partner's diagnosis, and about the physical and emotional fallout they will inevitably experience. But what's even more important is asking yourself:...

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How To Feel Sexy When You're Just Plain Fatigued

Posted by Keri Peterson, MD

One of the most common excuses people use when turning down sex from their partner? "Sorry, honey. I'm feeling too tired to exert myself with some strenuous bumping and grinding." We know. So trite. But it's tough to prioritize sex if you've had a long day at work, a tough...

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