Desperate For Some Help
I know my husband loves me, and he has never been abusive to me. Yes, I have found some porn both print and internet, and it did hurt me because the women looked nothing like me, and all of the lines I heard from my first relationship about me not being good enough or pretty enough or sexy enough kicked back in. We have 3 children, and I have a hard time switching from Mom to wife. To complicate matters more, I have severe hormone imbalances that causes me to have heavy bleeding for months on end, and contributes to vaginal dryness, low libido, and muted orgasms. We have recently been arguing about sex, and it is only increasing tensions between us. When I have taken it upon myself to try and find help, or do something to bring something new into the bedroom, he almost seems disinterested now. I feel like I have completely messed up having a normal sex life. He says that he would be okay if we never had sex again, and that would be fine with him I don't want that. I would like to have that connection to him again, but I have no idea where to turn. Any help I could get, would be appreciated. Thank you.
You allude to having been through a lot in terms of past relationships and also your current situation which includes being a mother to three children, a wife, and a woman who is experiencing health problems that can take their toll.
My best suggestion is to try to talk to your husband about possibly seeing a sex therapist together (find one in your area through sstarnet.org or aasect.org). You may be able to approach this idea by suggesting that no matter what you two decide about your sex life, you want to have a strong relationship that works for both of you and for your family, too. A trained therapist can help you both to communicate about the issues about porn, parenting, libido, orgasms, dryness and any other concerns you may currently be experiencing.
Even the most satisfied, loving couples experience sexual challenges at times and it is wise of you to seek help early.