just wondering
I am dating a woman and love her very much...I have noticed in the past weeks that she loves her wine...Everytime we go out to dinner..she has at least two glasses...At times when we are out..she will drive to the liquor store and purchase a bottle..I know she has a lot on her plate, but I noticed this and don't know what to think...From what she tells me...she's liked wine for a long time but I've only known her for three months and I'm aware of it...We don't talk about it because it could be very touchy...What can I do...It's a chardonnay wine and I don't know if that makes a difference. Thanks
It's really hard to offer an opinion based on the amount of wine she drinks, as there are plenty of experts who would say that a glass or two with dinner is pretty acceptable. It's also hard to judge, since you haven't known her very long, so you don't know if this represents an increase in her consumption. It's also quite possible that she's drinking more than usual due to the anxiety of being in a new relationship -- maybe the wine helps her relax while she's getting to know you. New relationships and dating can be stressful. I would not to jump to conclusions about alcoholism. But let me ask you: is there anything particular about her behavior that bothers you when she's drinking? That would be the area to initiate a discussion. For example, if she became angry or sloppy when she drinks, or overly-flirtatious or something. I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned about her drinking, but I'm not sure that a couple of glasses in the evening is much to worry about --
I agree with everything that Ian said. I was in a relationship for a while where my boyfriend and I were both very similar to this. I felt like it helped me relax a little and that having a glass or two of wine was a good social activity as well.
I'd say keep your eyes open and if you start to notice that she is exhibiting alcoholic behavior (drunk or not--alcoholics tend to have distinctive characteristics that come out or are exaggerated when they're drunk or drinking), like not being able to stop drinking once she's started, being verbally or emotionally abusive, etc., then you would need to re-evaluate the situation.
If you feel so inclined, check your local AA and Al-Anon websites for meetings and more information.
The other thing I've noticed is that she does become more flirtatious when drinking but that's Ok with me..She's very affectionate so I can with it..I have noticed that when we are in public..restaurant or something she can talk loud about a topic she doesn't agree with and sometimes it's embarrassing..In other words if we are in an area and let's say someone is smoking. she will give me her opinion on that but I think she's talking too loud...I'm not rude but I don't know if she realizes how loud she is..I am learning everyday in this relationship..
Why don't you try to do things together that don't involve alcohol, or don't have as much proximity or easy-access to alcohol? Depending upon where you'd like this relationship to go, you might want to address the situation -- you can tell her that you don't necessarily think she has an issue with drinking, but that you're not much of a drinker and you'd like to have times together where drinking isn't involved -- can you open the dialogue constructively? If she gets defensively, you can just try telling that you enjoy her company more when she hasn't been drinking.