Moving On UP.....
How do you pick up the pieces and move on with your life after a bad breakup? How do you not think about it and accept it for what it is and move on past the anger and frustration and hurt? How do you feel comfortable with being in the same place at the same time with your ex? How do you put yourself out there for the possibility of meeting new prospects? With that said, how do you put yourself out there anyway when you don't really go out a whole lot and have friends who are all mostly married with kids who have friends who are all married and you're the only single one in your group of friends? Especially when you live in a city where the social scene is pretty much bar hopping and let's face it...the last place I am going to meet Prince Charming is in a bar. Any advice?
Cheryl
You do two things that seem diametrically opposed: 1. Get to know yourself. Use this time for soul searching, healing, figuring out what you did and what you won't do again. 2. Join groups of similarly interested people. You don't have to date again so soon, and the internet has made it so you can find groups who like..well, just about anything from animal rescue to creative writing. Give yourself time to mope - it's part of the mourning process, but try not to let that bring you down, try to use it that energy to workout or do something productive. If are are really bumming and it's not going away, consider a trial of antidepressants or sleeping aids even just for a while. Oh, and stay away from easy listening stations and chick flicks. Good luck!
This is so tough. Something that helped me when I was going through a bad breakup a while back was knowing that nearly every person I passed on the street, every friend, every stranger, every waiter and salesperson and commuter and neighbor that I interacted with had felt a heartbreak before--knowing that I wasn't alone, and that these people had felt it (and may be feeling it at the same time that I was!), and had survived, were making it through every day.
You have to take it one day at a time. Don't be angry at yourself for feeling sad. Be patient with yourself and loving towards yourself. Know that it's ok to be angry, hurt, frustrated, and that it will pass.
As for being in the same place as your ex, that will take time... and it may take lots of it, and that's ok.
Once you're ready to date again, try a dating site. There are a lot of different types of dating sites out there, and there's no doubt that one of them will suit your needs and personality!
One crucial element of recovery is no contact with the ex, and another is simply time. It's going to hurt, it's going to suck - a LOT - for a while. Just let that be true; sometimes you will prefer to sit at home watching Netflix and eating ice cream. That's okay.
Meeting people is another thing. Mostly you'll meet potential partners while you're doing something you already enjoy. In that situation, you already know you have a mutual interest, right?
This will usually require having a life outside work - a hobby, a class, a community group, a religious organization, whatever works for you. But definitely *something*.
Once you're recovered enough to face going out and being active in the things you enjoy, get right on out there. Live your life based on what makes you happy. That's how you meet people.
I second the suggestion you look for a social activity around something you enjoy. Me I'm an athlete so my activities were sports. Yours could be just about anything.
The summer after I split from my wife of 13 years I joined a softball team. Those evenings sitting on the tailgate of the pickup after the game having a few beers and shooting the breeze with the guys were almost therapeutic. I started to feel almost 'normal' again.
Of course later on when you're ready you can join an activity that will bring you in contact with people of the opposite sex. That way you can meet in a non-pressure type situation and you will know that you have at least one thing in common.
Most of all don't rush things. Take the time to get to know yourself and that will put you in a better position to eventually find someone who meshes with who you are.
I would like to comment; Los Angeles is the worst place for long term connection with singles. I have joined creative meetups for painting and drawing and art openings.. but no phone numbers or dates. A handshake, excuse me, nice meeting you, lead to no sparks. I also blame technology for this I already posted on finding a partner, but I had done just about everything the experts recommend and continue to go out by myself. Dating sites had done no justice. They just want a cyber relationship or FWB. I had joined over half a dozen sites, and no one wants to meet in person. Age has become a factor being 50, and don't care for nor am attracted to older men my age.
Try doing the artsy stuff just for the fun of it. . . not looking to hook up with someone. The harder you look, the more anxious you are, the less likely you are to find someone. It doesn't matter where you live, desperation is a sure fire way to not meet anyone.
I'm definitely not ready to date, but have been approached by several people. They seem to like the sense of humor and personality. I don't know that I will ever be ready to date again, but I do enjoy seeing friends of both sexes and doing things with them.
I will not date before my divorce is final. My standards, not anyone elses. I also won't search online. It is too easy to lie online, and I have been lied to too many times.
Don't blame the place. And don't get so caught up in finding someone that you forget to have fun. If you truly like yourself and have fun doing things alone and with friends, you will find that the dates will come.