Sex is painful
My partner have been together for 12 years. When we first met, our love life was fantastic. She was very sexually active and was very skilled and multi-orgasmic lover. At the time, she was 48 and I was 38 and we made love like 6 to 10 times a week. She was on HRT's since her early 30's and about 1.5 years ago she went off them. Since then, intercourse is uncomfortable for her. She gets UTI's all the time when we have intercourse and has seen several different doc's. Lubrications do not appear to comfort the pain and dryness. It is hard to not be down about this because we were evenly matched in the bedroom and now she has no desire. I still have a high sex drive and this situation is a sore spot (no pun intended) between us because I still want to make love to her and she is no longer interested in making love because it is painful. When we do try, I can tell she is enduring pain and I stop as I cannot enjoy it when she is wincing.
Is there anything that can relieve this pain and dryness she is having? I seen somewhere about natural HRT's that will help with menopausal issues. She stopped the original HRT's because of cancer concerns for being on them for 30 years.
Thanks,
I wouldn't second guess what your docs have said, and I'd recommend you talk to a sex therapist about the pain. The high frequency UTIs worry me and make me wonder if maybe she has chronic yeast issues? Or a STI maybe?
But I'd also say there are lots of things you try apart from intercourse, in order to have a sex life together that doesn't involve pain. Manual sex or mutual masturbation, oral sex, kissing, skin to skin contact, all kinds of other intimate, sexually exciting things to try that won't cause her pain.
Sometimes pain with sex can actually CAUSE low desire - you wouldn't want sex either if it hurt - and it can take a while for sexual interest to come back even after the pain is gone. With positive, pain-free experiences, her interest can come back.
She most likely has vaginal dryness and atrophy (thinning) of the walls of her vagina due to the loss of estrogen hormone. Vaginal dryness is a very common cause of painful sex. Imagine 2 dry surfaces rubbing against each other producing, well, heat! I suggest that she speak to her doctor about vaginal estrogen therapy, either in suppositories (Vagifem) that you insert twice a week, or a ring (Estring) that stays in the vagina for 3 months before being changed. These therapies release a small amount of estrogen every day and do not appear to increase cancer risks. After a couple of months, she will probably find sex to be more comfortable and pleasurable. Her UTI's will probably decrease as well, as UTI's are more common in menopausal women without estrogen. Most likely, the loss of pain will increase her desire as well. Using KY Silk during sex will also help to make sex more pleasurable. She can get her sex life back!