Sexless relationship
My boyfriend who I love dearly has not had sex with me since last January, he claims it is due to the stress of our relationship, ( I had just decided to move in). I kept thinking that as we got use to our new living arrangement this would pass. At first ot was just no sex, now we dont kiss, snuggle and have no intimacy at all. I love hm with all my heart and don't want to lose a great man because of sex but now I feel like I am not even a woman and have started to resent all of our friends for thier loving relationships (which is not me). We had discussed the situation and all it does is lead to a major fight so I dont even try now. I am at my ropes end. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
What was your sex life with your boyfriend like before you moved into together? If you had to guess, what do you think is going on? Moving in together can cause new forms of stress that didn't exist prior to living together, which is why I'm curious about your sex life prior to living together. I don't want to say too much without knowing more, but it sounds like there's been a loss of attraction, perhaps a greater ambivalence about living together, or that he is harboring some sort of anger.
My relationship has a few similarities with Tiffany's. My boyfriend and I had been seeing each other for 2 yrs. Spent every wk end together and had a wonderful sex life and loving relationship. After discussing things for a month he decided he would like to move in with me so we would have more time together. From the wk end he moved in, over the past 3 yrs, we've only had sex 4 times! He holds my hand, kisses me, has his arm around me when we watch tv but never shows any sexual interest in me at all. The first couple of yrs I tried many times to arouse him or even just get him interested but there was no physical arousal. At first he said maybe he was having 'prostrate problems' but even with my support never wanted to visit a doctor to determine why he wasn't becoming aroused. I'm not wealthy or supporting him. I know he doesn't see anyone else. How can such a sexual man change over a wk end?
The sex was great but the frequency was not what I was use to. He would tease me and call me an animal but never complain about how often I wanted it. As I said it stopped in January and I moved in ,in April. Let me state that moving in was all his idea, I fought it at first which caused some tension but once I decided to I was all for it. I won't lie and say I don't miss the sex but I miss the intimacy even more. Let me also state that he is (57)11 years older then me but never had a problem when we first met. My last relationship was very sexual and the desire I felt from my partner made me feel great about myself. Now I am feeling very negative which is not my personality at all.
To be more harsh than Ian, I say it's time to dump the guy already. You deserve to have a man, who you love with all your heart, who loves and desires you as much as you do him. Sounds like you're unhappy, wanting, resentful, and frustrated, and that's not a good relationship. Time to start looking for a new apartment where you can take care of yourself, heal, and move on!
sorry to butt in, but can we give my wife tiffany's sex drive?.. all kidding aside, i do sympathize with tiffany. it is so frustrating..
I sympathize with you Tiffany. I am the male version of your description of yourself and in between you and your boyfriend in age. I absolutely agree with your comment on yes, I miss sex, but I miss intimacy even more in my relationship as well. I wish I had some advice for you...I don't and my reason for being on this forum as well is to read and hopefully learn
At 57, it might be expected that his sex drive would be lower than yours. It sounds like your sex drive was always stronger than yours, but perhaps the early stages of infatuation enhanced his desire and arousal. But as you said, it's more than just sex, the issue is about intimacy, connection, feeling desired and loved -- to have a great sex life you have to have the sort of relationship that supports a great sex life. It sounds like you fought moving in and it might have been a bad idea. I'm worried that your self-esteem will get battered. I would suggest couples counseling as soon as possible to air these issues with someone who can you navigate through them.