I'm not a doctor or a therapist -- hopefully one of our experts that is will weigh in here -- but I just want to say that you're not failing. On the contrary it sounds like you're moving forward, by advocating for yourself and your life through asking for help here and working with a therapist. I would recommend you keep at the therapy, and/but if you're really not connecting with your therapist then in my opinion you should keep looking and find another. Sometimes it's just not a good fit. People heal in different ways, what works for some might not work for others. Please don't give up on yourself, your happiness and your sex life...you are worth it!

I agree with Heidi--the first step in tackling anything in life is recognizing that you want to change. Your willingness to write in this forum, see a therapist, read the book, go to a gynecologist (three times!), and talk with your husband show amazing courage, strength, wisdom, and eagerness, and that's very commendable. I encourage you to take a few moments every day to take a deep breath and breathe in some gratitude for yourself. You are doing a lot of work and you deserve to reap the fruits of your labor, and to recognize yourself as an amazing, willing, and strong woman.

So. If your therapist makes you feel worthless or disillusioned, find another therapist, stat. You deserve a therapist who understands you and encourages you, and helps you heal.

Be patient with yourself. You are in the middle of a challenging journey, and I do hope that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel--because it's definitely there.

I think it's important that you consider seeing a sex therapist, someone who is trained in dealing with sexuality issues. Many traditional therapists are completely inexperienced in matters pertaining to sexuality. A skilled sex therapist will not only be able to help you with the emotional issues, but he/she will also be able to give you specific exercises that you and your husband can do together which will help you take small steps into a future of intimacy. If you'd like to find a sex therapist in your community, please visit the website www.aasect.org and use their therapist-locator. Even if you only see a sex therapist for a couple of sessions, I think it will make a world of difference. Also, I wrote a book a few years ago entitled SEX RECHARGE, which might be useful, as many of the case-studies came from people with some form of sexual trauma in their background.

Thank you for writing, your courage and strength are something that can inspire all readers. I encourage you to try group therapy for survivors of sexual absue, sometimes being among people that have had a similar experience can really really help. In addition, even if you are not sexual now, keep affectionate touch going...it's important that you get your body used to the good touches that can happen. Finally, please know that as you get tested and get treatment it can all feel worse not better, this doesn't mean that it will always feel this bad. Keep doing the work and keep being kind to yourself...