It's All About Her
I'm wondering about a relationship where the man is able to perform sexually but rarely has a climax. His explantion is that he wants the women to be happy and that all he needs for that to be accomplish is her pleasure. This goes against everything I ever thought I knew about men. Is this normal? or is there some problem?
As am man who had that mindset from the start of my sex life, I will give my experience and perspective. For some men(me) they are sensitive and want to treat women with respect and show them that they,women, are important in bed and deserve every bit of satisfaction that can be given.Other men, it is all about the macho mindset, i.e. it is an insult to their masculinity to not bring a woman to orgasm. Men often brag about how many times they can make a girl orgasm, but we all probably know that is a fact. Therein lies the problem, some women feel frustrated as much as some men who can't last long enough or their partner joy. I am sure some people deny their partners the joy of returning the favor, this is a problem. As we all know or can imagine, the prospect of being seen as or genuinely being a bad lover can impact the performance at the moment,future moments with the current relationship, and future relationships. I hoep this helps you understand and didn't come off as nonsense.
If he is pleasuring you but not getting a sexual release at the same time, he must have extremely blue balls. Ask him point blank, in a nice and loving manner, how he achieves release when he doesn't orgasm.
If this was me, I would be so sexually frustrated if I didn't release, that my teeth would chatter! :)
It is possible he is holding off you you, but then it is also possible he is having difficulty climaxing himself. Some men need different kinds of stimulation besides intercourse and don't feel ok about this, so he might not tell you. Can he climax via stimulation with your hand or mouth? It might be that he needs more friction than a vagina is providing. Let him know that part of the pleasure for you, is in seeing him have an orgasm too, because of course your partners arousal is part of your own arousal. Then suggest you try other methods of stimulating each other and see what happens.
Ask him! There's no way for you to know if this is true unless you have a conversation about it.
I asked my partner what he thinks about this question, and he said that it does sound like it's something you'll have to talk about--that there are a million different reasons why he may not climax, including that he may be nervous, have lower sensitivity, be self-conscious, etc.--but the only way to know for sure is to open up a conversation about it.
It's only a problem if it's a problem for him. If the situation were reversed and it was the women who orgasmed infrequently during sex we probably wouldn't think much about it.
If you're both enjoying the sex even though he doesn't orgasm then I don't believe there's anything to be concerned about.
I'm kind of in the same situation. He always says I wear him out (i.e. - the reason he doesn't orgasm) But I've told him time an again that I have come and he can now... but he doesn't. BUT my problem is that I am constantly thinking about his past ppl he's been with. I can't seem to get over it. He sneaked away with one early on in our relationship, (I found out about it - he didn't tell me). Then about two months ago I found out he made a special trip to see one of his past gf. He told me he was going to see his kids, but I found a receipt for a purchase he made in her city (80 miles beyond his kids). So I am constantly under pressure to perform as he wishes - but perhaps I just need to let him go ? He doesn't complain about anything I do wrong, but it is only when he wants sex ... whenever I try to initiate it, it is one excuse after another. Anyone got any advice?