Masturbation
Is there something one could do other than seek personal counsel to address the problem of masturbation? I did spend a good bit of time in counseling a number of years ago, it did help but I have returned to same problem and as much as I try "will power" just doesn't work. I really want to stop as it is really creating a problem with my sex life between me and my wife.
What is problematic about masturbating for you? Why is this a problem? What about it is creating a problem with your sex life between you and your wife?
Masturbation is generally only a problem when a person lets it interfere with with how they function in their daily life--going to work, interacting with other people, etc. It can also be problematic if it's preventing you from being intimate with your partner. Sometimes people think that once they're married they should no longer masturbate. However, solo sex is a healthy form of sexual expression and is a different experience than partnered sex. If you're masturbating a healthy amount (as a form of pleasure, rather than having an addiction to porn or other possible scenarios), then perhaps your wife is the one who is uneasy with self pleasure. And, it could be beneficial for you both to go to counseling together to explore the real reason it's creating a problem in your relationship--it may just be that he both need to change how you view the topic.
I agree with both experts. What is the actual problem with masturbation. If it is interfering the question would be how is it interfering? For sex addicts they prefer masturbation over their partners and of course this is a problem. Stopping the masturbation seems reasonable but for many they are unable to do this and find themselves going back to it and not having enough sexual energy for their partners.
What are you fantasizing about? Is that something you could incorporate into your sex life with your partner? Have you both talked about your masturbation in detail to understand rather than just stopping it which can be a simplistic way which would invite relapse.
Is it a way you self-soothe? Like Amy Levine says, if it is a problem for your wife and not necessarily a problem for you then you both need to address it and maybe it is not the masturbation as much as how you both feel about it.
Masturbation gets a bad rap... Throughout history, we have been taught that masturbation is evil, dirty, harmful, and is a sign that a relationship has problems. All of these are completely untrue. Masturbation - in and out of a relationship - is certainly healthy. It can be problematic if a person in a relationship is masturbating for sexual release but not engaging in physical intimacy with a partner. (Then you might understand why a partner is concerned or upset.) It can also be cause for concern if it is so compulsive that it interferes with daily life. But the majority of the time this is not the case. Hope this helps!
I agree with the above comments--masturbation rules!! As long as it isn't taking up time or mental energy that needs to be put elsewhere, it's healthy, fun, and good for your health!
Obsessed.
When I commented it has created a problem with me and my wife I actually meant that it seems to have for the most part replaced sex with her even though our sex has always been great and there is no comparison to the satisfaction I get from masturbation and satisfaction I have with my wife. I have no addiction to porn but I do fantasize a lot about encounters I had before marriage and close encounters I have had during my marriage, sometimes I even think back about the first time I was intimate with my wife.
It seems one problem is that I do not "feel" enough sensation while having intercourse, recently we had sex and I had to pull out and masturbate to reach orgasm while my wife was masturbating as well which she typically does to stimulate her clitoris during intercourse in missionary position,( I talked her into this a few years ago because Sometimes it was difficult for me to do) I typically rub her clitoris to make her climax depending on our position.
The mind is a powerful tool. When you are emotionally connected to your partner at a very high level, sex between the two of you becomes a whole different experience, and one that is mutually satisfying. Technique no longer seems to be as important as the closeness of your bodies and the emotional intimacy that is felt, as you connect in every single possible way – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
I used to be of open mind regarding masturbation. That has changed since getting involved with my husband. But, he has also been diagnosed as a sex addict. Masturbation definitely interfered with our sex life, for much the same reasons you mention. For some, like my husband, it definitely needs to be entirely eliminated from one’s life.
Though he used to attend 12 step meetings for sexaholics, he has stopped, but he continues with counseling with a CSAT. That seems to be what has helped him the most.