Not Getting Any
Hi...I have been wanting to ask this puzzling question for years. I am a female. We are both 60. This is my second marriage. Prior to marriage, our sex life was everything I had hoped for. As soon as we married,it slowed to a snails pace. He was on antidepressants. He claimed that might be the reason.He quit taking the antidepressants and his mental state went from "depressed" to a manic, bipolar, obsessive situation. He saw psychiatrist, therapists, etc. Let me back up. He was never married..had a few relationships.. until the age of 53. He says the reason why he doesn't want sex is because I am his "mother." I spent thousands at Victoria Secret. Would his mother wear a black laced garter belt? Of course, there are other things in play, maybe some financial insecurity? One thing that really hurt my feelings was one night, we were staying on the ocean, I woke up to see him masturbating right next to me. From what I have told you, can you give me some idea as to what is up with this man?
Antidepressants can decrease desire and arousal. When he says you are his mother, he is likely not referring to how you look actually, but rather how he "sees" you in the relationship. He is saying there is something about the way you and he relate that reminds him of the way he related with his mother...this is a common issue because men are often attracted to a woman who reminds them of their mother, but then it can feel incestuous in the bedroom and be a problem. Try to find out from him in what ways you remind him and see a couples therapist to try to change that dynamic.
Let me be blunt with my comment. If he was performing to your satisfaction before you were married and then it slowed to a snails pace after and nothing changed medically, in my humble opinion, I think he's manipulating you.
If I were you, I would take a serious look at your relationship and try to decide if he is the right person for you.
Good luck.
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