Older Guy Wants Sex Constantly
My first time with the forum and I'm so glad that I found it. Jumping right in, my situation is that I'm 65, married for 27 years, second marriage for both of us. She pleases me in every way sexually, when we have sex and therein lies my "problem". I want to have sex with her almost constantly and even though she will usually agree, it's more "sympathy sex" than real passion. She thinks that my sex drive is too high and even though she will usually have sex when I want, she thinks I'm sort of perverted to want it so much. We do everything except anal and that's fine with both of us. But, my real problem is that even though I want her constantly I can perform usually once or twice a week at most. Why do I want sex so much when I cannot maintain an erection to completion most of the time. It's really embarrassing and depressing when she is really turned on, giving me oral and I lose my erection right in the middle of the best oral I could want. Any ideas..??
Age could be to blame here. The body and the mind don't always work together when it comes to sexuality. Talk to your doctor about your options (e.g. Viagra).
Your situation brings up several key sexual and relationship health issues:
- sexual fit - not all people want sex an equal amount of time.
- sex and aging - Desire is something most healthy older adults hold on to despite some difficulties performing.
- how we define sex - Is sex for you oral and penetration only? Maybe its worth expanding that definition.
sexual mechanics - where you receive sexual pleasure and what you use to give sexual pleasure do not need to be the same area of the body. That is you can have sex with your partner even if you do not have an erection.
- Is there something missing during sex for your partner? You say she give you "sympathy sex" This is concerning, What your "real problem" is, as you put it, may not be the "real problem" your partner is having. She may be missing something else. Do you know what that is? Have you inquired why its "sympathy sex"?
- finally is this an increase in desire or were you always like this?
- Also get a medical work up!
Take a look at the psychological-- does your wanting her constantly have anything to do with just getting attention from her? Wanting her may not mean that you have to have sex, it may be that you are sexualizing your need for attention from her.
My wife is 59 and I'm 57. We try to have sex every morning before getting out of bed. Start with cuddle and go from there. Unless we are too tired we have sex at night as well. On weekends we do other activities like bike riding, long walks, swimming, tennis, etc. We also have more sex on weekend days, usually 2-5 times. We are healthy, eat right, maintain our weight and stay very active. This also lends itself to more sex. So think of ways to bond with her, stay in shape and also give Viagra a try. Yes, it can be expensive so I cut my 100 mg pill in to a quarter dose. Works for us. Good luck!