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Vaginal Sensitivity

By wylie on Sep 7, 2010 at 3:02 PM

My wife, 29, of 7 years has no feeling in her vagina, except at first penetration a little pain and at times a "burning" or "raw" sensation. She has never been satisfied through intercourse. Her clitoris has enough feeling to accomplish orgasm orally, but seemingly weak. Is this simply a problem in anatomy? Could it be psychological? She is very self conscious, even though I compliment her constantly. She also has small breasts and doesn't like for me to touch or even see them; even though I really do love everything about her and tell her repeatedly. In comparison with past partners, her clitoris is much smaller (I would never mention this to her!). I am aware that because of her feelings of inadequacy there may be some psychological barriers. I am a man who places ultimate satisfaction in pleasing my partner, so I am constantly feeling unfulfilled. Are there exercises that can aid in vaginal sensitivity? She is now pregnant; could there be a change in feeling after childbirth?

3 replies

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Belisa Vranich | Sep 7, 2010 at 7:30 PM | Reply | Report

Vaginal sensitivity can change during the course of a month, during the course of a lifetime and from partner to partner. Most women do not have orgasms through intercourse alone, so this is actually normal. Yes, there might be both physical and psychological barriers she is dealing with, first and foremost you should use a lot of lube and make sure she is really aroused before penetration, and you should try different toys to see if she needs a different kind of stimulation (the wand -- which looks like a large microphone -- is my favorite).

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Anna Potter | Sep 9, 2010 at 10:37 AM | Reply | Report

Make sure you're using plenty of lube, first of all.

Also, it might be worth it for her to get into counseling for her low self-esteem.

I'd also like to comment on the "small clitoris" comment--the clitoris is so much more than the little nub we see on the outside, so "size" doesn't necessarily matter. If you're interested, a really great, wonderfully-illustrated, and sweet book, about the clitoris and how magnificent it really is, is called Tip of the Iceberg and is worth reading.

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Hilda Hutcherson | Sep 15, 2010 at 5:13 PM | Reply | Report

I suggest that she speak with her gynecologist about the pain on penetration. She may have a physical problem, like vaginismus, that can be treated. Of course, if she has pain, it will be very difficult for her to become aroused and lubricated. And if she is dry, she will have even more pain. The clitoris is a little power house, regardless of size. When you perform oral sex, the clitoris is getting direct stimulation that it usually does not receive during intercourse. So after she has been evaluated for the pain, choose positions that stimulate her clitoris or stimulate her clitoris with your hands during intercourse. She still might not have an orgasm, but it will increase her pleasure during intercourse.

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