Where's my Sex Drive?
I'm a 22 year old female, in my mind I think about sex, but when it comes down to actually having sex I can't do it. I can't get turned on, my body tells me no but my mind says yes. I know to listen to my gut and body, but I just want to know what can make a sex drive just disappear?
I'm not on any medications, I did just have a baby (2 1/2 months ago) but I haven't had sex or a relationship in 10 months. That's my own personal choice though. I have had offers just turn everyone down.
Where I live I have flirted with a guy, it started getting hot and heavy and I just flat out said I can't, I just can't have sex.
That soon after having a baby your hormones are still adjusting, spoken from mom of 2 and it took me over 6 mos to start feeling it again.
As a 22 year old female with a 2 1/2 month old baby, I think your focus should be on the beautiful baby you just had and not on sex. You aren't in a relationship so your child should be the only care you have. Perhaps you internally know what you are doing is wrong? I am all for sex and love it, however you just had a baby out of wed-lock and aren't in a committed relationship. I think you are worried about something you shouldn't even be thinking about.
Invest in a good vibrator!! Just my thoughts!
I think it's possible to meet all the caring needs of your child and still take care of yourself and your desire. That being said, I agree with Gail, that it may not be something you need to worry about just get, since your body is adjusting to all the changes it's going through!
Having a baby can decrease your sex drive for multiple reasons. Hormones are still shifting, particularly if you are nursing. Also, and perhaps more importantly, caring for a baby means getting touched ALOT. All that touching can indirectly satisfy alot of sensual needs and leave you not really wanting toi be touched a whole lot more. This may also contribute towards lack of desire. Lastly, Being a mom is tiring, and can make delving into romance seem more effort than it is worth. Single motherhood is especially tiring. So, more rest and more time may let your desire bounce back.
Yes, everything that Gail said! Don't underestimate hormones!
Beyond that, when my first daughter was tiny, I often found myself asking, "Who am I, now that I am someone's mom?" Her birth caused me to rethink a lot of things about what it meant to be a mom, and still be a person. It was a beautiful and confusing time.
Our society also does not do a very good job of giving us role models -- up until recently we only saw images of mothers being holy and pure, and sexy women being something else entirely. There IS room to be a good mom and a sexual, passionate person. Perhaps there is a part of you trying to make sense of this new role and that is adding to the hormones, exhaustion and satisfaction of being a new mom. Hang in there, enjoy the times with your baby and yourself and trust you'll find your way back (Many women feel a surge of drive when they begin getting their period again. And if you don't, visit your doctor to make sure your hormone levels returned to normal).
Also, you might enjoy my friend Rachel Sarah's sweet, honest and funny book about dating and sex as a single mom -- "Single Mom Seeking: Playdates, Blind Dates and Other Dispatches from the Dating World"
Want to know more? Check out our e-Book on Sex and the Baby Years!