Being Bisexual in a Relationship
I have been bi since I was ten years old playing with friends at first then at 14 I was invited to be a centre piece at a spa party with men in their 50s and 60s than myself and again at 15 which is when I started cross dressing when a male couple again a lot older than I was who kept me at their house for a weekend during a very nasty party again which I was the main attraction. At 17 I started cross dressing to go out and was forced into prostitution by a taxi driver when I couldn't pay the fare. Raped at 18 by my step brother and now at 28 I cross dress regularly and my wife likes to take me with a strap on, none of my experiences have put me off just made me submissive with men or when im CD. The issue I have is my gay side is as strong as my str8 side and I dont know how to deal with the gay urges now im married
What makes you feel that you cannot communicate with her about this issue as well? It sounds as if you definitely communicate about many other sexual issues with her.
My wife enjoys hearing about my past and enjoy her when she is in control with the strap on as she treats me the same as men have in the past no concern for me just uses me which is the way I like things, what concerns her is that I will want a relationship with one of these guys or that my gay side will become more dominant than my straight side and I will begin to favour being abused by men over her and even straight sex. We have discussed me going back into prostitution as a solution and that if I ever do decide that want men more than her we will remain together as we are very much in love and it is not a sexual thing but we will both just have a boyfriend we share all be it a very dominant and understanding one. however I crave the parties like I had when I was in my teens a lot
Sounds like there are many possible outcomes to this situation. On the one hand, you yearn for the some of the thrill of your youth, which is not unusual for anyone in a committed relationship that has inevitably become more patterned and predictable. On other other hand, there could be differences between your respective desire/threshold for novelty and excitement. You may be more of a thrill-seeker than your wife. Finally, it also seems that you are struggling with your sexual identity and orientation. Rather than worry about outcomes based on all of the variables, just continue to do your best to enjoy your relationship with your wife and maintain the level of intimacy and communication you've fostered together.
I have to ask what you mean when you say your "gay" side. Do you have same sex attractions to males? Or do you have sexual desires for sex with males? Or both? there can be a difference. I would call what happened to you as a teen as sexual abuse and trauma and worry that you are returning to the scene of the sexual crime if you go back into prostitution or back into those type of scenerios with men. Is it compulsive? Often sexual abuse results in compulsivity later if the trauma is unresolved.
There is nothing wrong with what you want to do nor how you want to do it. That said, make sure it isn't driven by trauma rather than by choice.