Midlife Peak?
I've been told that a woman reaches her sexual peak in her 40's. The last year has been that for me but my husband and I are not on the same page. He's going the opposite direction. I'm begging for action 3-4 times a week while he puts me off. I keep asking if it's something I've done, not done, any idea...He give me the "it's not you, it's me" speech. We both have full-time jobs and own our own business, so we're busy with that as well. I know it's going to sound like a typical nagging wife but I'm feeling a little neglected. Our kids are high school age so not needing us as much anymore. Time for us, right? He's loosing steam when I'm just getting mine. For so long, it was always about the kids and him, and I was on the back burner. Now I want it to be about me and us. Am I asking too much? Worse is I'm wanting to stray but I know that's not a solution. That would make matters worse, a lot worse. Plus I don't think that I could bring myself to do that. Help!
There are so many different factors that could contribute to a decrease in sexual desire - physical, emotional, circumstantial. Even though a man's testosterone starts to taper off steadily after 40, it usually does not cause such a pronounced effect. Is he willing to speak to someone about his decreased desire? Is he willing to give you attention and sexual pleasure in other ways besides intercourse? I think it would be worthwhile to speak to a professional about it for a physical evaluation first, and then a sex therapist.
It's awesome that you're feeling a sexual peak! Often it's said that women reach their sexual peak in their 30's. I personally think the reason why this age was given and why others experience it earlier or later on is not related so much to our biology, but to our sexual self-esteem and confidence. Once we feel we have made it, so to speak, we tend to be at the top of our game with our libido, how we feel about our body and more.
The reality is that life can be exhausting. And, while there could be a lot of reasons he is saying "it's not you, it's me," it could be the truth. The trick is to talk with him about what you're going through, see if he opens up, and find mutual ways to fulfill each other's needs.
Maybe he's not up to sex several nights a week, but you come up with a ton of ideas that work--you can cuddle, he can hold you while you masturbate next to him, you can make out without it leading to more if he's not wanting real action, you can book a massage with a hot massage therapist, you can take pole dancing lessons--the sky is the limit. You may not always get the sexual release you crave if you don't take care of business yourself (when your husband isn't giving you what you want), but you will feel a new type of exhilaration.
Woohoo! I second all of Amy's suggestions. You definitely are not asking too much--asking for what you want is amazing, and you should keep doing it! A
You aren't alone. I started approaching my sexual peak at about age 39 and now, at the age of 44 my sex drive is actually getting even stronger. I would like to have sex daily, but my boyfriend, who is 51, only wants it maybe 2 or 3 times per week. Like Amy said, if he's too tired, see if he will whisper in yor ear while you masturbate. I also watch a little porn on occasion to take care of my cravings (the porn might get him going, too). Whatever you do, don't hide the masturbation from him, and don't nag him for sex. I have found the more I nag, the more inadequate he feels and he puts me off even more. Asking him to watch me masturbate sometimes puts him the mood to participate. Worth a try.
Thank you to everyone that replied to my situation. Lots of great suggestions. I don't feel that I've ever nagged for sex. I'm actually finding that if I act like I'm not interested, he comes 'round more often and makes time. Reverse psychology I guess! I do have toys which I've not had to use in a while but keep charged up for emergencies. I've had him use the toy on me after I've gone down on him. I don't think he was too keen on that so I've not gone back down that road. I do agree, my sex drive is getting stronger since this all started. I know that real life can be exhausting, I keep telling him that we're going away for a week and he'll be my sex slave! Now to find that time....real life sucks sometimes