No Passion or Desire
I am a 52 year old man who has been married to my best friend for almost 30 years. We have a good relationship in all aspects of our life except the bedroom. My wife and I have sex maybe once a week but it is never spontaneous, always has to be "earned" on my part (yes my perception) and my wife never shows any passion, desire or interest. I have never been seduced as she would refuse to do something like that. I have tried to talk about this but there is no change. Is there help or am I faced with the decision of acceptance or ending a 30 year relationship?
Thanks for sharing what you're going through. Your situation doesn't have to be either/or. Generally, when couples are together a long while they get stuck in the same pattern of interacting. And, for many talking with a third party can help. The key is approaching your wife and letting her know how much you love her and care about her and that you want to work together to renew your relationship. Then, suggest seeing a sex coach or therapist to increase the level of intimacy you have together, and get your sex life on track.
Has your frustration reached the level of ending the relationship? It sounds as if she has some rigid ideas about your sex roles - women aren't supposed to be into it, but if guys are nice enough and "earn it", she will give in. I would suggest to start with the focus: what physical pleasure does she experience with you? Does she like kisses? Does she like caresses? Does she like to feel your skin close to hers? You can remind her how much you enjoy giving her pleasure because it is something that you share together. The time for a therapist would be if the communication is so rigid that she would not be amenable to such conversation. Then you should have a professional help bridge that gap.