Sex and Religion
What happens when religion intervenes with sexual activity before marriage? I am a Christian and pastors continuously preach about sexual abstinence and against masturbation. So are we supposed to have wet dreams until we get married? I have masturbated by the way; #1 because of the urge that the hormones and my human nature and female attraction impulses me greatly, #2 because I prefer to empty the sack in a way I can easily clean it off than wake up with a messy bed and dirty pajamas and undies!!! I need an experts opinion I want both points of views Christian and none Christian! Sexologist say occasional masturbation is part of a healthy life style and when having a partner sex is healthy too! I bet whoever wrote the abstinence rule also use to masturbate! I believe masturbation and sex at the appropriate age is part of human nature. By the way I'm over 21 and I haven't had sex yet. Isn't watching porn and masturbating the same thing as sex, ideologically?
Masturbation is a completely normal and healthy activity. In fact, when people don't have the urge to masturbate it's often a sign of depression. Masturbation is a healthy way to explore your fantasies and get to know your own body, as well as your unique turn-ons and turn-offs. For men, it's also a chance to develop a greater sense of ejaculatory control. In terms of masturbation with porn, there's nothing wrong with that, I would just also encourage you to use your own fantasies and inner life as a source of inspiration as well. To me, porn is a bit like tv versus reading, or even reading. TV is a bit more passive.
Ian, what is your opinion with my other concern?... sex and religion.
My two cents, NOYK: man invented "God". Religion is used to control people. They're not called "the flock" for no reason. Christ is the "Shepherd". Very good and well meaning people perpetuate these otherworldly fantasies because they urgently need some formula for living. In my world there IS a god but those who interpret the bible as fact are just making estimates as to what's what. Rich historical document filled with human interaction and divine speculation--not actually written by the people who are talked about--or during their existence. But this forum is not about religion or atheism or agnosticism. Its about sex. Sex works better without guilt and doubt hovering over the bed. Always be respectful of those women, use protection and be loving and share your gifts responsibly. Masturbation is a sexual activity--so its sex. I favor sex within a loving, committed relationship, but that's just my take on it.
I have been raised up Christian all my life and I have been hearing about abstinence over and over again, that it should be practice until marriage, and if sex is practiced before, it is a mayor big time SIN! I have girlfriends that are very attached to me and appreciate me and I know that I can end up having sex with any of them, properly. But what I have been taught all my life will create a heavy burden of conscience, and honestly at age 24, single, with girlfriends willing to have sex with me at any time, I just don't know what is right or wrong anymore. What if I find my own intimate gf, em I to wait until marriage to have sex with her?
That means I have to stick to masturbating with either her picture or porn. Isn't that ideologically, more or less the same as committing the act of sex??? Either way porn and masturbation Is highly forbidden in the christian faith.
Either way porn and masturbation Is highly forbidden in the christian faith. And I still do it...
I think that the real problem here--at least for me it was a problem, and your saying that having premarital sex "will create a heavy burden of conscience" leads me to think that it is a problem for you, too--is that we're taught how to have that guilty conscience. Like I said, even once I started wanting to be more sexual, I felt so guilty and anxious about it. It took a LOT of personal work to get over the feelings I had been taught I was supposed to be having in reaction to my human, natural feelings and desires.
I was very religious in my teens, took an abstinence pledge, and didn't have sex until I was ~23, so I can speak from personal experience on this one. I found that along with the messages that I got about sex and abstaining, I obtained a very guilty conscience when it came to my relationships--even if I was being "pure". Simply kissing would cause amazing anxiety for me, and it really crippled me later on when I decided not to be abstinent anymore.
I also found that there are a lot of things that popular christian culture makes out as really important, and there are other things that are conveniently forgotten. Abstinence is one that is heavily preached to young adults, and it can be really confusing--I often got really confused because I was (and still am!) a really good person, loving, giving, etc., but I felt like I failed if I even thought about sex outside of a conventional marriage.
Since all of that, I have gone on to have a very health, happy, fulfilling sex life....
So it's a matter of working with oneself and just go for it, with respect and much fun! That is why I like this forum because I want to be prepared for when the time comes even if its before marriage. Why do people have to speak for God, what does God really think? Why in the first place when we become young teens we become so horny? Caused by the chemical and hormonal reactions that he himself created! So what does that tell us? On that stage of life I wasn't into porn but my buddies did show me very few pics and based on that my mind was able to create erotic and vivid sexual dreams without me knowing much at all about sex and the visualization of a naked woman came from those pics. I would look for whatever thing I could use to penetrate it. So how does all of this come? It is part of human nature! And then at church they preach against sex and masturbation and they pretend that us guys have wet dreams, which creates a big mess with stains on the bed sheets, your clothes and undies.
What causes wet dreams, sexual frustrations or sexual fantasies? I have very few sexual dreams at all. In my brother's Boy Scout Handbook years ago they called them "nocturnal emissions"! We always used to laugh about that...
Guess I can't write about my own dreams in my erotica book you want me to write, eh?!!? ;~0
As I mentioned before I have practiced masturbation and watching porn at the same time. So if in the eyes of the church I am a sinner and wrong and I STILL DO IT (not as often as before), then I guess I can start a healthy sex life now that I have broken with the religious standards. And it is how Anna said I'm a good person, loving, giving, I do community service, i feed the poor and homeless out of my own pocket money y help other people etc, etc, etc.
Yet I have two female friends that at any time would love to have sex with me, should I pick one or is it more convenient to wait to have a girlfriend since Im really emotionally, and for other reasons, not interested on either one although they are both very beautiful!
Practice makes perfect!
I was fortunate enough to grow up in a household and a church that encouraged me to question my beliefs, because they knew that only by questioning could you come out with a stronger, more solid faith. I encourage you to do the same (as it seems you're already doing). To be a christian, you don't have to follow everything that one church tells you. You can study on your own and find like-minded people and figure out who God is for you. I knew that God was, simply and entirely, love, and that God loved me, no matter what. I knew that if I was living in love, that God was proud of me. A loving, caring, and yes, intimate relationship, can be something that my God would be extremely proud of, whether I was "married" or not.
As far as having sex for the first time, it's up to you. If you aren't sure, wait a little while more. For me, I knew when the time was right--I was just ready! (And no, it wasn't with someone I was in love with, etc. etc. It was just time for me!)
I don't attend a church anymore for multiple logical reasons, I have not lost faith or belief. I do study on my own and share with others that are knowledgeable and experienced about the bible, faith and spirituality. Thanks to this blog I have been able to open up and explore more about sexuality. What not better than to learn from true experts and professionals! Thanks!
Would God have given men and women the equipment and desire to please each other and ourselves if we were not supposed to use them?
I think it important to understand that belief in, faith in God, is NOT the same as religion.
If God exists, God is perfect. ALL religions are human institutions, and so imperfect.
Traditionally, Christianity has considered ANY sex, even between married people to be sinful if it is not aimed at, or at least open to reproduction. Some clergy refuse to marry couples that intend to remain childless. They feel that sex for pleasure equals lust, lust is a sin, and they will not sanctify sin with marriage.
To my thinking, this is SO out of touch with what it means to have a human relationship that people MUST make their own decisions regarding sex. They cannot do so by relying on an imperfect institution that demands they live up to the ideals institutionalized by imperfect, human, clergy-people.
Man invented religion, a mind and crowd control device that works quite well. Sex is yours, a gift of Life, no matter who/what started it all. Enjoy your right to sex and say a prayer of thanks to your ancestors for getting you here!
Masturbate - it's good. It cures a lot of illnesses: stress, being ornery, horniness, clouded mind, sleeplesness, and just plain feeling pervy :)
If you're looking for some interesting perspectives, go to Actionlove.com (The Lin Institute). The guy's a complete trip, but he's intellignet, straight-forward, funny, and writes in broken English :)
Now, go get married and start humping.
I was raised in a devout Catholic home. It was ingrained in me that sex was bad for girls but ok for boys. I was very confused. Then when I had my first sexual experience at 17, I couldn't relax. I was afraid that I was going to hell. I was nervous. All I could think about was the sin I was committing. I really suffered from the whore/madonna complex. Then one day at church our priest wrote this wonderful homily that hit it home: sex is the least of sins. Sex between two people with love (even outside of the bonds of marriage) was a beautiful way to worship God. That their bodies coming together was a singing of praise that God wants to hear. That sex was one of the many gifts that God has given. To ignore it that would be a sin. I know that he was a priest and the irony of his homily and the vows of those called conflict. But he was a progressive man no longer with the church.
So I say sing your praises! Even if you neighbors don't like it!