S&M?
I am 52 divorced about 1 year. I started dating this man who blew me away as he was extremely bright, funny, successful etc. We ended up having sex one night and I am far from a prude but he started talking about a riding crop, fisting, and nipple chains. Honestly, I'm not adverse to the chains but what concerns me is that the next day my entire breast area was bruised. No man has ever done that to me and being it was our first time sent red flags. I showed my girlfriend and she said I looked like I just got beat up. When he initially grabbed my breasts I thought it was a little rough but I was so into the moment it didn't really effect me. When I arrived home that night I told him I wasn't into S&M and his response was "it not all it's cracked up to be". I never told him about the bruising because I ended it shortly to focus my energies on me. We have since reconnected and I honestly like this man on so many levels but I'm concerned about how rough is rough.
Be very frank, tell him exactly your concern and see what he says. He may have misread your response to his talking about riding crops etc and thought you were interested too. If you make it clear where the boundaries lie then he can A. decide its not for him B. Show you its not really important to him and you are really his interest or C. try to accomodate but still long for s & m...in which case this may not work in the end. But if you feel able to be completely clear and to take your leave if he starts to get too rough then this may be worth a second try. There is a difference between someone who likes a little roughness as long as his partner does too, and someone who would hurt his partner against her wishes.
I completely agree with Gail. Always let your partner know and don't assume they do know as they could misread your responses.
Also the breast and nipple areas are very sensitive and bruise easily which is not unusual. The issue is how did it feel and if you thought he was being too rough to tell him. Usually when people engage in S&M they have a safe word which should have been established.
I agree with Gail and Joe. Speak up! There's no way he can know what you want or don't like unless you tell him.
I am a little confused about his response of "it's not all it's cracked up to be." Does this mean that he doesn't really care or it is not so important to him? Has he been rough since you have reconnected, or have you just not even gone there? Joe brings up a very important point that when there is any S&M situation, there are parameters decided upon between the persons involved. One of these, and probably the most important, is a "safe word." This is a word or phrase decided upon ahead of time that communicates that the limit has been reached, or to stop. When there is true S&M activity, it is actually the submissive that controls the activity.
Regardless, you should be straight forward about how you feel and your desires. It sounds as if you believe that he has much to offer in many areas.
S & M is not as much about sex (if at all) as it is about a powerplay. Make sure you do a lot of reading and understand it well if you are going to be joining in. And I agree with Gail, Joe and Anna -- having firm boundaries and being clear about them is important; you can always change your mind and go further if you want to next time. Good fun S & M play should not leave you bruised, especially an area that is as sensitive and beautiful as your breasts.
Clear boundaries should be set. It is known that due to endorphines produced by the brain during sex one's pain threshold can be raised by almost 100%. Fun but rough sex can be a hoot but as you found out once that endorphin rush is over if there is any real injury it hurts like it should. That completely negates the excitement of it ever happening again. S&M, unless specifically requested or agreed upon before hand, should never leave bruising or a high degree of trepidation of it happening again.