Open Relationship / Swinging (continued)
Ok, so I am not 100% certain the symantics for our situation. My wife (MarriedMom on here) watched me with a female neighbor of ours, and she is now pursuing a man for her to be with. I presume this is called swinging but not sure. My question, my wife, like I mentioned is pursuing a man that she used to work for years ago, but she is not quite sure when or how to even bring up our arrangement / situation to him. The experience we had with the neighbor just kind of happened so we did not really need to explain much about it. This is different, the man is showing interest in my wife which is unbelievably exciting for me, but she is asking for help in raising the topic to him. Should she pursue being with him alone first and then bring it up? Otherwise, what would be an appropriate way to bring it up to him without scaring him away?
It is up to you two how you want to go about suggesting/bringing him in, but it seems a little risky for the two of them to be alone first before explaining to him the situation. Perhaps as things heat up, she can tell him that she's married and still interested in him, and that she has a fantasy of having sex with him while you watch. She could ask him what some of his fantasies are, etc.--but I do think it would be best for her to be up front with him about the situation before he gets emotionally involved or gets the idea that it will just be him and her.
Thank you Anna and that makes perfect sense. Things are certainly heating up, as he is definitely intimating that he had too been attracted to her when she worked for him. It definitely appears that the chemistry is there for something to happen - she texted him late last night the following to try to break the ice on the topic, is this appropriate? "before getting too deep in this, i need to share something with u, it excites me terribly but would understand if u were not comfortable with it" - or does that make it sound too serious?
That sounds like a great text! How'd it go?
My suggestion is that whatever contact you have with him that you have it together and that he know that there are boundaries and no side conversations or contact. The couples I know who open their relationship are always guarded and cautious about one or the other having a stronger attraction to the other. Be careful and keep boundaries and open dialogue about this with each other.
CNCG: Wifey is the one that's going to have sex with him--if the connection can be made. I'd recommend you don't get involved in that reach out process and I don't see that you're suggesting you will. Have you thought about joining a "swingers" website and getting some feedback from other members about how they've overcome this type of roadblock? She seems to be the catalyst here. Does she have a backup plan? I don't recall if they other possible partner is single or in a relationship. There's a lot going on here besides some exciting voyeuristic hobbying when other folks lives are getting involved. Hats off to you two for your methodical and open-minded processing of this "project". Good luck.
I tend to agree with WD on this. Part of the excitement for me is knowing that she is flirting / chasing this other guy. We have not thought about joining a site like that but we may explore it. As far as a backup plan, I am not sure what you mean - do you mean another guy in mind or simply if he says no? He is recently divorced, no children. Thanks for the feedback, this is a heck of a lot of fun for us!
CuteNCGuy,
Sounds like you and your wife have a great sexual relationship and communicate well! My question is why or how did you guys decide that an open relationship was needed or wanted in your marriage? Was there a sexual need that wasn't beening fulfilled or etc? I am curious because I want to have an open marriage in the future! Thanks.
Thanks Cajun. It actually started after my wife began having these fantasies in the heat of the moment, of seeing me with another woman. I think after talking it through we decided that as long as communication and trust were strong it was something we wanted to try. Admittedly for me, I have not always been the most attentive lover, not very romantic. But I dont know why that would have sparked the idea in my wifes mind to see me with another woman. I think we needed this in order for us both to let down our guards sexually, although we are very close, we, especially I, was always guarded in the sex department, not comfortable speaking our minds. This has allowed to express ourselves and communicate more openly regarding sex. Weird I know, I am not the best with words, maybe my wife, MarriedMom, will come to my rescue and respond as well...
My husband and I are in an open relationship. We have found that communication is the key. We talk about what is allowed and not allowed. For instance no kissing is allowed for him. With me a condom needs to be worn. We also only "play" as a couple, never one on one alone.
I would invite the guy over for dinner and tell him what your fantasy is. I will bet you $5 he will be all for it! Good luck and enjoy!!
Cajun~
My husband and I didn't start this lifestyle because things were lacking in the bedroom. That is the wrong reason for doing it. We started mentioning fantasies in the heat of the moment then started to openly discuss it. We researched for almost a year before meeting anyone. We have met some amazing people, some we will play with and some we are just friends with.
I just let my wife know that if she could find someone to come to our house i would be OK with her having sex with him as long as I watched. We did this once before and it was a big turn on. For some reason she wants to pick a guy we both know, but I'd rather it be a stranger. is this weird? I guess after seeing some guy bang my wife, I don;t want to have to make chit/chat in the neighborhood or at the pool....
NYGiant - I can see how a guy would not want a friend or neighbor to be the one with his wife. Too many jealous thoughts I would think. I let my husband get a BJ from a woman, I picked the older neighbor down the street (not very attractive but thin & athletic build.) I did not have to be jealous then, and my husband was far more into the novelty of it to worry that she was not a supermodel. My only concern is that if u allow a stranger, do you want him in your house? He better use a rubber too. On the flip side, I have only done this a few times myself, and I thought it was the most unbelievable experience to have a guy I barely knew in my bed giving me all he had for 30-40 minutes, while my husb watched. No thrill I have ever had without my clothes has been = to that. I let him do whatever he wanted to me, totally let myself go with no inhibitions, and since then I often let my husband do so as well.
Would it not be better to go to a hotel room rather than bring a stranger to your house?
Not weird at all. While the guy my wife is pursuing is not a stranger, he is not someone I hang out with or would run into with any frequency. So that makes it that much more comfortable for me as well, and keeps the excitement level for her as this is a guy she had found attractive for quite a while, back to when she used to work for him.
Sdjddj,
Thanks for the information. Very good advice!!! thanks.