An open letter to my husband
Hi All I'm new here...been lurking for a few weeks and decided to join out of sheer frustration and knowing others out there may understand...*misery loves company*
I share so many of the concerns expressed here...I am high libido and my husband is low. I am so angry with him and want to vent.
Can I post an open letter here? I just need to get things out...
I don't know that you should post a letter to your husband on this forum, but if you'd like to pick an anonymous user name and get some help with your issue, please do post. Low male desire is very common.
If you can't talk to your husband face to face then write him a letter and maybe email it to him. I have done that if I just felt like what I was saying wasn't being heard. My hubby would read it and after he reflected on it we would then discuss it.
I share your fustration! I have a high drive myself and my wife doesn't. I have talked with her directly and face to face. Very good advice by the experts. Not much changed in our sex life, but being to express myself to her was a positive decision. Best wishes.
Talk to us first, then write him a letter! It is true that men don't sense urgency in relationships at the same rate women do. Maybe the having your concerns in front of him in black and white can help him understand that you are very upset and this is very serious. Talking to us here will help you know what your options are and develop a plan of action. At times men don't want to talk about their libidos because they don't know the options for treatment.
I invite you to consider that if you are venting every once in awhile, your true energy to do something about it is also being released at that time. Instead of venting, you have the opportunity to turn that energy into many positive things. You may use that energy to read about low desire to learn what may be contributing to your situation. You may use that energy to self-pleasure yourself. You may use that energy to exercise and do the activities that you have been putting off. All of these things are steps towards getting your relationship and your life back to where you want it to be.
Joanne: why don't you provide some more info for us to consider--about both of you: Age,length of marriage, relationship experience, past marital sex history and satisfaction, children, drugs prescribed and taken, alcohol usage. Does he masturbate to the internet porn, is oral sex offered, frequency of sex in past & present. Etc, etc. Dr Castellanos, as always, gives some powerful alternatives to venting for its sake. You have a right to, of course. Have you considered engaging a sex therapist, marriage counseling--if he won't go, you go alone, OK?
He sounds depressed and distant, perhaps a little immature. You DO sound angry. Venting to a good friend might be more useful than here. I'm not understanding the pattern lacking background info. Sounds like you two need a neutral party to help you negotiate some middle ground. An engagement between you two over your right to intimacy. Good luck. I'm in a marriage where I'm the high-libido one. I'm taking my own advice. Its painfully slow.