Fantasies when with fiance
I am engaged to a man, and we haven't had sex yet (we are waiting until marriage). Is it odd if there are times, when we are having phone sex, that in order for me to orgasm I think of a fantasy scenario? This fantasy never actually includes a man from real life/from people I know. I usually don't even imagine any specific faces. My fiance can easily turn me on, and get me aroused. Its just that sometimes in order to reach "the peak" I need to switch gears and think of my fantasy. Sometimes my fiance is "placed" within that fantasy role, and sometimes the role is left blank/imaginary. Again, it involves a person I know/seen in real life. It's simply the role/scenario that gets me off. Does this say something about our relationship If I cant always think of him just as I orgasm? Could this maybe go away once we have sex, and "real" things start happening, not just phone sex? Serious answers please. I'm young, I'm in love, and I need to know this isn't abnormal...
Thank you so much for asking this question. So many people have this same doubt and allow themselves to feel guilty over something that is completely normal. You are describing the process of fantasy that is common and and just the way our brain works. Having these fantasies about a scenario or role does not mean that you are being untrue to your honey, and it will continue after you both have physical sex. It is a very healthy foundation for a wonderful fantasy life and sex life. So allow this to continue and keep exploring the depths of your sexuality both in your mind and your relationship with curiosity, playfulness, loving consideration, and fun. It is the spice of life.
I agree with Dr. Castellanos. You can fantasize the whole time you're alone or with a partner, or just at certain moments. Fantasy is not something you stop doing when you're married. It's a pleasurable tool you can use to keep things exciting. I particularly find that a good number of my clients who fantasize when they are at a heightened level of arousal--alone or with their partner--can have an orgasm rather quickly.