Fulfilling Fantasies
Ok, so my husband of 11 years was a virgin when we got together. I'm the only woman he's ever been with. Me, on the other hand, I have been with more men than I can really count and have had plenty of fantasies fulfilled. But, now my husband has begun to tell me more about his fantasies. Most of them I have fulfilled with no problem, they were things I had already done but it was fun to help him experience them. My problem is now he's moving on to more serious fantasies, things out of my comfort zone so to speak. Threesomes for one and also he REALLY wants to see me with another woman. I admit I get turned on by the thought but I'm terrified that he will like it some much and if I don't that it will cause problems in our already fragile marriage. We want to spice things up and have fun and I said I was willing to do it but terrified at the same time. Oh and he wants to know what it feels like to have a one nite stand. How do I deal with that one? ADVICE PLEASE!!!
I think you should continue to explore the boundaries of fantasy within your relationship and not bring in a third person, or give him your permission to have a one-night stand. When you have a truly trusting loving intimate relationship one of the benefits of that intimacy is that you can explore fantasies together and also find a balance between sharing and acting out. Most fantasies do not need to be acted out, nor should they be. But in my professional experience, many relationships go off the rails when they bring another person into the intimacy of their fantasy life together.
I don't think you should explore those "serious fantasies" if your marriage is fragile. The only time I would explore something new is if my relationship with my hubby was very secure and strong. I believe your just asking for trouble. Maybe you need to figure out the root of your problems instead of using sex to mask them. Good luck.
If your marrraige is fragile, this is not the time to be adding another person into the mix or agreeing to let him have a one night stand. You are not responsible for agreeing to things you aren't comfortable because he was a virgin when you got married. I agree with Dr. Kerner, adding to your fantasy life can enrich your sexual relationship, but it has to be within secure boundaries that you both agree to. And often fantasies need to stay fantasies. His pushing you with his ideas of what he'd like is not a good sign. Find out what is going on underneath this all. It feels like a very tenacious time for your relationship. Good luck!