Fiance doesn't want to give oral sex
My fiance has not performed oral sex on me and we've been together for 2 years. He says that he isn't a big fan of it because we females urinate from that area..although he has NO problem with getting it from me! This seems like such a small issue but do I really want to spend the rest of my life with someone that doesn't want to do this for me??? And if he does, will I be able to relax enough to enjoy it or will I be uncomfortable knowing that he doesn't like doing it? I've been with men before that lived for it and I finally found my prince charming with this one quirk...HELP!!!
How important is oral for you? Have you tried straddling his head while you do oral on him? That's the only way I could get oral from my soon to be ex. Not as good as getting oral and not having to worry about sitting on him, but better than not at all.
I don't think one sex act should be the make or break issue, but if he doesn't see the double standard in getting but not giving when urine comes from the same plumbing on a man that sperm does, he isn't into you as much as he is into what you do for him.
Talk to him about it. Seriously. Not during sex and not right after when you are pissed again because he gets what he wants and you don't. You deserve to have your needs met. So does he. Hunt for compromise. But do not define compromise as "I will give in every time."
Who's the lemon? Interesting handle.
If you need oral or the deal is off, then he needs to get busy re-educating himself that a woman's vulva is a slice of heaven for a man to be able to play with. First off: urine is sterile (advice from an MD) -- unless an infection is present, of course. He's wimping out. If you two can't agree on oral satisfaction what are you going to do during your married life when you encounter "real" problems? Going back to the edu thingy. Get the man some good info about vulva and vagina. Tell him no head until he can get it into his brain that quid pro quo is fair play. Click on the (above) eBooks tab and find the download regarding giving women oral and preview it. Give him an early holiday present of a $6 download. There are lots of other books and websites where factual info on performing oral on a woman is clearly and expertly explained. You may need to meet him in the middle and use some flavored lube while he grows a pair. Dental dam? (shakes head).
Usually when a guy has this much of a hang-up about oral sex, there is a fairly fixed idea that the area is "dirty" which is difficult for him to change. I can understand not wanting to give up oral sex forever. You can try asking him if he would prefer that you wash just before sex, or even he can wash you gently. But if he still resists, the idea is pretty fixed in his psyche. The link that the previous comment refers to is: Orally Pleasuring a Woman.
I think that oral sex is one of the easiest routes to orgasm for many, if not most, women. I suggest that you have a calm and rational discussion with your fiance about your needs and desires. Ask for what you want. You might suggest that the two of you pleasure each other orally at the same time the next time he requests oral pleasure. Since he is concerned about urine, you might take a shower or bath together before going to bed. Then ask him to apply KY Yours and Mine Kissable sensation on your vulva and remove it slowly. Sometimes making it fun will increase his interest. But if he still refuses, you should see a couples therapist before you walk down the aisle.
I totally agree with Hilda. When my husband and I got married 11 years ago we agreed to be open to all areas. . . including the bedroom. I couldn't be happy knowing there was a part of my body my husband didn't want in every way. I think that if you are willing to please him, he needs to do the same. Otherwise a simple topic will become somthing that will invade your marriage with issues. When sex is great it's no big deal, but when its bad or not getting it, it becomes the BIGGEST deal. I would talk to him in a non-confrontational manner and let him know how much it means to you and that it's how you get the most pleasure. If he loves you and wants you then he will find a way to enjoy it. I think men think women automatically LOVE giving head. . .news flash we learn to love what we know they enjoy and that makes it all the better.
Does he actually know where urine comes out? Maybe you can cover the urethra down with a dental dam and let him get at your clit- there's no pee there. (Of course, then it's only fair he stick some latex over his urethra too. See how he likes that.)
I'm going to stir up trouble and say break the engagement. Men change very little over time. Why put up with a selfish lover? A guy who won't reciprocate with oral sex does not really love you ... truth. Think about that. Ask him if he would do it for Celebrity A, B, or C? Ask him if there's anyone he would do it for. SO many people compromise, sell themselves short, then get frustrated, find lovers outside of marriage and get divorced. Skip all that! Find a man who adores you. All of you.
I recently had an experience giving oral to two different women-a week apart. The first used a deodorizing creme on her vulva/vagina and the second one didn't. I could smell and taste the second, non-deodorized vulva/vaginal for an hour until I got home and brushed my teeth and washed my face. While I found that somewhat enjoyable (hell, I loved it!), he might not have the same appreciation under the same circumstances. So, yes, per other's excellent advice, wash clean (no irritating soaps, of course) before oral and try the recommended, KY Yours and Mine Kissable, product Hilda listed. Or try some others...Google's your friend.
I have to add that if he doesn't want to do this, that's his right. If the shoe was on the other foot...I'd say the same. But I hope he learns to love your special flavor. good luck.
This is an unfortunate situation. From my point of view he's really missing out. I've not met a woman who doesn't enjoy receiving oral sex. It's a great way to give her pleasure without any potential concerns about performance. Personally, I find it a real turn on to perform oral sex on a woman.
He needs to find a way to get past his hangup about cleanliness. Maybe he could start with manual stimulation with his head close to your vagina using saliva as lubricant for his fingers. That way he will realize as you get more excited there's absolutely no issues with taste or smell, in fact the opposite.