Getting my husband to seduce me
I see lots of articles for men about how to use seduction as a means to get their non-interested wives to have sex with them. But I have a different problem. My husband and I have frequent sex that is satisfying for both of us. But 90% of the time that sex is initiated by me. I have told him many, many times that I want him to initiate, that I feel like I'm not attractive to him or worth the effort. He's gotten much better at foreplay, but I guess what I really want is some seduction. And he cant differentiate showing me affection or foreplay from seduction. For him its all the same. But when we talk about it he feels demoralized that he doesn't "satisfy me." I feel like he's afraid to try because it makes him vulnerable, risks rejection and that he won't live up to my expectations. I've tried to give him examples to help him. I just don't know what to do anymore. We just have the sane conversation over and over again and nothing changes.
Yeah, welcome to partnered sex. Its a dance, a negotiation. Men really, really (he said, projecting) like a woman to initiate sex. So you have trained him to expect that. What gender rules do you think you've broken? If any. OK, to your point. Does he do any reading about sex and relationships? If not, guess what? Hubby's getting some eBooks! Right on this site, click on eBooks at the top banner and start exploring. Also I highly recommend one book to help Hubby understand what a woman (you, apparently) wants from a man in initiating sex: "Cockfidence" by Hirschman and Harel, trained sexologists, sex coaches and workshop leaders. You read it too.
Besides communication, education is the best recourse for you and your partner. Also I highly recommend in person or phone-in sessions with an AASECT associated sexologist/coach. Some talent resided right here on this site. Don't give in for less than you can have. Use
I" statements in talking with hubby. Cheers!