Help! My boyfriend doesn't like Oral!
I am currently reading your book He Comes Next, and I love it, and I love sex...and I'm in a new relationship where my boyfriend doesn't like giving oral, in fact he isn't big on foreplay at all (he's 33 and has been married). He says he likes getting it but prefers sex more. He also admitted to not liking the taste? I love Oral and I don't mind giving it. Is our relationship doomed? Are we just not sexually compatible or is there some way for him to get over his phobia? He hasn't gone down on me yet, and I'm vegan (I've heard we taste better?). I just don't know if I can spend the rest of my life with someone who is so vanilla in the bedroom. Is there also a way to get him to read She Comes First without him getting offended???
Kristen, I'm judgmentally voting for you to think long and hard about a relationship with a man unable to provide the heat that you want, sexually. I also judge that he could change with some education. I truly think he should be reading "She comes First" (eBook, this site). Maybe flavored lubes, showering immediately before cunnilingus, etc. might help him adjust to your natural (to me) wonderful odor and taste. But he seems somewhat lazy and dismissive of your needs. What's up with that? Everyone is different, of course, and he may just never have a desire to please you orally--but since digital is also off the table I'm not liking what I'm projecting your future sex life and hence connection to be like. "Suck me, fuck me" sure seems to all be about him. As long as you are OK with this, then that's between you two. But I sense, not so much. Work with him as long as he'll work with you. I know what its like being in a relationship with a non-inspired partner. There are trade-offs. WD
Seems like the bigger issue is his lack of commitment to foreplay. Even if he has an issue about oral sex, he should still be able to provide direct clitoral stimulation, with his fingers or ideally a vibrator. Also, he should want to dote on you and pleasure you. Maybe you should take a couples massage class together. I think you also need to start talking to him constructively about the kind of sex that will leave you satisfied. You don't need to be critical, just constructive. I think you definitely need to bring the issue to the table in a positive way. I have a new ebook coming out entitled the Cliterate Male, which really talks about this issue in detail. It should be ready in about two weeks and I will send you a copy, and perhaps you could share that with him.