question
I have reunited with my first love, we met when we were 11. We are now 51. we have been together for 3 years now. He left his wife to be with me. They have not spoken since they divorced. This past summer she contacted him and told him she has a disease that is killing her. Since this time he has put back on his wedding ring, he wears it on the opposite hand. He said it is in her honor. I have told him that it really hurts me that he wears it and I am having a very hard time dealing with it. I also don't believe he can be fully committed to me or our relationship. I feel that I should leave him but at the same time the thought tears me up. Not sure what to do. Does this mean he will always feel this way about her or does he just need more time to let her go?
LI,
A love of your life, it sounds magical. Could you find it in your heart to allow his guilt and grief to "find it's way"? If you can, he will be yours and only yours, as that is the greatest gift we can bestow, the gift of trust.
Good Luck,
1KG
So he was unhappy, reunited with you. Dumped her. Incommunicative with her. She's experience life ending illness. All you can think about is yourself. Good luck.
OK, sounds harsh? Well I am being somewhat judgmental. But girl, (I'm 62) you need to accept that he has feelings and I'd judge some guilt. You need to support him. Be more empathetic toward a dying woman. I do agree the ring thing is kinda corny. But what's the worst that could happen if he kept wearing it? Your fighting him on it, while an honest expression of your feelings, doesn't make up for the loss he's experiencing. Did I mention the guilt?
I think you answered your own question: "he just need more time to let her go"...and that will continue past her death. I'd suggest he and you both see a therapist to discuss this chink in your relationship armor. How long were they married. Children? Has your sex life suffered since this dynamic surfaced? Good luck. WD