Sexual performance with a compatible partner
When I was in high school, my sexual fantasies were about teenage cheerleaders. Women in their 40s didn't attract me. Now that I have passed 50, my perceptions are the same. I still find it very difficult to be aroused by a woman in her 40s, despite my age.
I easily get aroused and can masturbate to porn with young actresses dressed provocatively and behaving lasciviously. I also have had no problem achieving orgasm when I have hired an 18-25-year-old prostitute to behave nastily, leave all the lights on, and provide a purely carnal experience.
Now I've met a wonderful woman in her late 40s who could be my soulmate. We are compatible in every respect. The problem is that I rarely can maintain an erection long enough to achieve orgasm.
A mature, professional woman, who dresses and acts appropriately for her age, and is compatible with me in all respects is ideal. But my performance in bed is a problem. How can I adapt to get physically aroused by a mate who is appropriate for me?
In terms of this woman in her 40s, are you physically attracted to her, but experiencing erectile issues? Or is the problem that you're not physically attracted to her, but trying nonetheless? Sounds like you're not attracted to this woman on a sexual level, even though you'd like to be. Certainly you're not the first older man to be sexually turned on by younger woman "Teenager" and "cheerleader" are two of the most popular search terms on porn sites, out of billions of searches. Have you ever been to a therapist over the years to talk about your lack of attraction to women who are your peers?
I am not particularly attracted to her, even though she looks good for her age. She shares my interests, dreams, and ambitions; I could see us growing old together.
The problem is: since my teens, I wasn't attracted to 40+ year olds. As I have aged, what my attraction hasn't aged with me.
At my age, I can hardly have a meaningful relationship with a teenager. I would prefer a fulfilling relationship with a woman who is my peer, but as hard as I try to make it happen with my mind, my erectile issues prevent my dreams from being realized.
To answer your question: No, I haven't seen a therapist regarding my lack of attraction to women who are my peers. Can a fundamental attraction like this be changed through therapy? Or am I doomed to not be attracted to compatible partners? I'm concerned it might be it like trying to convince someone who likes blondes to be attracted to brunettes. (Or like trying to convince a homosexual to be attracted to partners of the opposite sex instead.)
Such a timeless, universal question! The male animal will always lust for perfect young bodies ... who by your middle age are really only available for pay or via online porn, which causes endless problems ... read this website for evidence. So now you've met a soul mate, a younger one no less, bedded her, and don't feel that teenage cheerleader lust?
If you really want to adapt, the answer is simple, yet challenging.
Turn off the porn, cease all sexual stimulation aside from with her. Be 100% real with her: state the issues, talk about your desires, your fears. If she really is a soul mate, she will meet you half way and you both will grow closer.
Time to exit the Fantasyland of teen lust and enjoy a real middle age sexual relationship, which can be fantastic! Your body will cooperate if you can focus your mind on what is real.
Wow! 58anddoinggreat - what a thoughtful reply. I am so impressed. I have no experience in this area but if I were this man's middle aged partner, I would be so thankful for this advice. Porn is fine, but it can't get in your way of connecting with a real person.