The truth about boobs....
Hi, I'm new here and already would like to ask a question and get some honest feedback.
Over the past year or so, I have lost 70 pounds. I was really shocked and rather devastated by the toll that weight gain and then loss took on my boobs. They are awful. I feel disgusted by them and cannot imagine letting anyone else see or touch them. They are smaller...saggier...there is even extra skin
Needless to say, this presents a problem in the bedroom.
Everyone always tells me that men are very visual creatures. If this is the case, how could the sight of two pitiful sagging breasts not be repelling to a man? Obviously there are criteria for attractive features and qualities...so the things that don't meet that criteria, they are by default unattractive...Right?
I really would love to hear from men who have been with women who had an issue like this or perhaps a rather physically unattractive quality. Or from women who have dealt with similar issues...
I don't have any personal experience with this issue, but as a guy I'll admit that in general we are very visual creatures. More than that though, guys love naked women and especially breasts. I'd be willing to bet that virtually all guys would just be appreciative of the fact that you are showing them your breasts. I know that it is easier said than done, we all have our insecurities, but find the right person and let you inhibitions go.
Dear B,
Yes men are visual, which means we like to see what we are getting, NOT that what we are getting has to subscribe to some certain "image".
My last GF had smaller breasts and I remember our second date. We were in a store and a woman walked by with quite large breasts and a revealing outfit to display them. She teased at me, "I hope you are expecting anything like that"? I was delighted that she would vocalize her concern and so early. I told her quietly as we passed the lady, "Everyone has something different and special to bring to the party". Well, she did as I was soon to find out, she was the best lover that I had ever had. After we had been together just a short time, I couldn't imagine wanting bigger boobs again. BTW, we are older (over 60) and when you hit that mark, nothing is where it started out anyhow.
Your skin will start to tighten up as more time goes by. Consult a doctor for some nutritional suggestions on that as well.
Good Luck,
1KG
B.have you looked into cosmetic surgery? If you hate your new look that much. As a man I can tell you I have been with a woman who had breasts that looked just like you described. I have also been with a woman who had one breast removed due to breast cancer, had it reconstructed but still has no nipple. My penis does not have eyes. I respond to a woman's touch, kisses, licking and sucking and her needs...not missing or unsightly body parts. Congratulations to you for losing weight and making yourself more healthy. You need to celebrate your resolve and efforts to make that happen. If a man who values you is put off by your situation, how is he worthy of your affections? Your honesty, your communication skills and your ability to love yourself (no matter your form) is more important, to me, as a man, at least.
How much did you weigh before? How much to go? Have you consulted an MD, yet?
If there is one thing I have come to accept in my 32 years, is women are much harder on themselves than thier partners. Boobs are boobs. Only people who have had work done look the same naked or dressed. Otherwise as soon as any woman takes her bra off, you see what is really there. Push-up bras, Spanx, tight jeans, baggy shirts, all of these thing hide what is underneath.
Be proud of the weight you have lost. Let that show. Don't get hung up on what you look like now. Look back at what you looked like before and realize the progress you have made. The shallow people who would avoid being with you because of your boobs aren't worth your time. And someone who wants to be with you just won't care.
A couple thoughts from a 50 year old small breated woman.
I disagree with comment above that "only women who have had work look the same naked and dressed". At 50 with small breasts I still look quite fine and sexy dressed - without a bra, with one, or naked.
That said, I have noticed some reduction in firmness in the last 10 years. But my man loves my breasts and small breasts in general. And many of my friends, male and female, find all those push up bras and spanx stuff disturbing. And that includes both my small and very large brested friends. Only do this for you alone. Once naked, a man will see it all and love it all as it is or he's not worth having in the first place.
For my loss of firmness, I am focusing some of my weight training on firming up the muscles around my breasts. I'm not sure it will bring back the previous level of firmness but it's worth trying. Goodluck - but know that men will love you and your breasts no matter what your scrutinizing eye sees.
Wow thanks for the replies and perspectives on this. And the encouragement. I am 5'8 and went from 214 lbs to 144 lbs, for the person who asked.
My boyfriend keeps asking to see them, trying to touch them, etc
I literally have a mini panic attack when he does this. I have tried to express my fears, but he thinks I am exaggerating and brushes it off. He only wants to see them because he thinks they Are normal, nice looking boobs. Which they are not. I also think he feels like I don't trust him or want to get close to him. Truth is, I don't think I could even stomach, much less enjoy, sex if my breasts were exposed.
Cosmetic surgery is a fantasy of mine...one I cannot afford.
B. I feel so sad for you. But losing 70 lbs. is amazing. Level with your guy that you are having issues with your body and are not feeling sexy. Be honest that the issue is yours and that you are working on getting OK with the changes in your body and how it appears to you. I'm not sure if you two are intimate or what your experience is, sexually. If you want to be intimate, how about asking him to wear a blind fold. Slightly kinky and know that he will feel, though not see, your breasts. But give him the chance to experience the new you. He doesn't seem to have a problem with this. You have to open the kimono, some time. Have you looked into hypnotherapy to help you accept your body image? Good luck, B.
B,
It is true that anyone worth having sex with should care enough about you to be turned on by you however you look, and that men are not as judgemental as you think. But if you were ready to believe that abour yourself then you wouldn't be posting here with your problem.
So here's a completely different approach:
I don't know where you got it in your head that saggy breasts are not sexy, but you're just mistaken. Maybe a reality check on that will help: go to any big amateur porn site (like ImageFap) and search on "saggy." You will see that there are PLENTY of people who find saggy breasts a big turn-on. For a lot of guys, saggier = sexier.
Seriously, you can go see for yourself. There are pleny of guys who, when they are fantasizing with porn and could look at any body type, choose to fantasize about bodies just like yours.
Best of luck to you and your (hopefully) lucky boyfriend.