what happened
Hi, My boyfriend and I have been together for 1yr. and 3 mths now..At first our sex was really great ! He wouldnt leave me alone for the first 4 mths. Then it seemed like all of a sudden the sex just slowed right down. NOw its like once every 2 months..I ask him whats wrong and he always says nothing. I'm starting to feel like he's not interested in me anymore..He says he still loves me when i ask him. I dont know what to think.He's a quiet person. I'm a shy person also.
Please help me to understand if you can..
Without a deep, intimate conversation with him, you're not going to make any headway. He seems uncommunicative. You need to explore your relationship with him and talk about that. Without judgments. Use "I" statements. Not "You never want to have sex with me", but "I enjoy our intimate moments together but it makes me feel scared and sad when you don't notice me or want to make love to me." Men bond through sex (projecting perhaps) and it seems he bonded with you. Women bond with emotions and men are often not good at that. Perhaps he can access his emotions if he feels safe and unjudged. If he can own his discomfort with being intimate and express (using his I statements) how he actually feels, perhaps you two can find common ground. Any reason to suspect he's ready to get out of the relationship and just doesn't want to surface that? Of course how's his health, what meds does he take, does he get regular exercise? Smoke. Previous experience? Stay turned for the professionals here.
It's pretty common for sex to slow down after 4-6 months. Once every two months is probably a little less than average frequency, but you didn't say what your frequency was in the beginning. Each person has their own comfort zone with frequency, and it's rare to match perfectly with your partner.
Couples should talk about sex regularly about both specific and general sex topics. Instead of asking him what's wrong, try focusing on what he likes and what he would like more of. If you feel that the problem is in communicating, a therapist can help with this. Keep things positive with a curious attitude instead of being accusatory or judgmental.
I don't want to be Debbie-downer, but there is something going on that you need to get to the bottom of. Life is too short to settle for sex every couple months - especially in such a new relationship! I know a man who stayed in a sexless relationship (not married or living together so I don't get it!) for 6 years! The way he describes it he got comfortable with the non functioning relationship, he may have felt he had no other options, trapped by the crazy woman, but her costic personality had become a turn OFF. He never told her why he wasn't any longer attracted to her or why he finally walked away. But a man not wanting sex with you is a huge flag and would make me wonder what's in it for me? Companionship with someone who doesn't desire me? That would kill my self confidence. I'd have to walk away if it doesn't change and if he refuses to talk about it.