Body issues are affecting sex life/relationship
I have some body issues that have really started talking a toll on my relationship with my fiance and my attitude on life. I am 23, my s/o and we have a baby together. We have been together for 3 years and I really love my fiance. I had body issues before dating him, due to being raped when I was 17 years old and then having a bf in the past that who watched so much porn that he got to the point where he could only have sex with my from behind and pretend is was anally (even though he knew I had been anally raped). It took a toll on my confidence and now after the baby I am even worse. Is there any tips on how to make myself feel better? I lost most of the pregnancy weight already but my boobs don't look perky enough for my age. My S/O says I am beautiful but how could he think that? Is ex-gf had fake boobs and I know mine are nothing close to looking full and fake. How can I start loving my body and believe my fiance when he tells me I am beautiful? It is hard to believe him.
I've had body issues of my own in the past and I know that that can be hard to deal with. Something that I think you should keep in mind is that I think he truly and honestly believes what he says. I know it can be hard to fathom. It sounds like he really loves you and you really love him. Try to talk to yourself.
What has worked for me is I have a note on my mirror saying: you are beautiful no matter what you think. I send myself emails and text messages trying to compliment myself in various ways. It has really helped my self esteem. Beauty is not what the world perceives it to be but what you yourself perceive it to be. So talk to yourself. Be kind to yourself. It will be hard at first but it really does help. It helped me. Good Luck. You are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
Honestly, I think you should go to a therapist or a support group to help with the traumas you've suffered in the past, and the extent to which they're actively resurfacing now -- but as a new mom, I think the loss of sexual self-esteem you're experiencing is quite common. But take your husband's word at face-value: if he's telling you that he thinks you're sexy and beautiful, then that's what he feels, even if you don't feel that way. Think about what you need to feel even sexier, and let him know, but don't shut him out. All parents want happy kids, and happy kids have happy parents. And happy parents are intimate and connected and have sex with each other. Enjoy your baby and your husband and try to be happy.
Thank you both for your responses. I agree that I need to try to believe him and be positive about my body/relationship. Ian Kerner, thank you for your response. I agree that I need some help emotionally. By the way, I love your work!