I'm disgusted by sex, but I didn't used to be
My husband and I used to have sex a couple of times per week. About four years ago I started to lose interest. We both figured it was due to stress. Unfortunately, I've gone from being uninterested to literally despising the idea and act of sex.
Whenever my husband wanted to have sex, I'd do it. I'd always read that you'll get in the mood as you go along. But that didn't happen with me. I'd get so sad and frustrated during the act that I'd cry quietly as we finished.
We now have sex once every 6 to 8 weeks. When we do I feel disgusted by the act and sad that I don't want it more. I'm 37 and have never been sexually or mentally abused or had children, and my husband has been incredibly patient with my lack of desire.
I would get counseling, but I've been unemployed for quite a while and we don't have the financial resources for it.
Where can I start to get past my feelings of disgust and sadness and back on the path to enjoying sex with my husband again.
Well-I can let you know from the point of view of a female who loves sex....that your husband probably feels just as sad as you about the lack of sex. I know I do--my boyfriend has a low sex drive. But at least you are aware of it and you want it to change. So that is half the battle.
How about you and your husband learn to discover what you like? Sex is not just about intercourse and oral. It is about touching, and holding an hugging. Try to discover with him things that you enjoy. Example, give each other a massage. Ask him to kiss you places you like. Do the same for him. Stay focused on those sensations without expecting more. Buy books about sex and sex therapy and work it trough together. Both of you have empathy for what the other is going through...so work on it.
aj, please don't give up on getting therapy. Source all avenues like county health department, even religious organization you belong to. Your emotion around some factors/experiences is causing your blockage of pleasure and disgust at sex. You are in control of you. Don't give up. Kudos for posting here.
Do you have any health insurance? You might have coverage, if so. Check for colleges or universities that might have outreach programs for counseling. Does your husband fully understand what's happening to you? Don't hide in shame. You need to express your sadness, anger and fear around these sexually negative emotions/feelings. Your life partner needs to be aware so he can help/support you in your struggle.
You can't push away this situation. I project that you will have to "go deep" to find your answers. Lots going on in your life besides unemployment. Be strong and determined. Peace.