So let me get this right, he said he has no sexual fantasies....I have a news flash for you about the average adult male over 30 that's not true! He might not be able to vocalize or is embarrassed about it but he has them. I can only speak for me and my other close straight male friends. One of the most consistant sexual acts we fantasize about is three somes. So if it were me. I would want you to tell me you have a special surpise you want him to try with you. I bet he will go for it. Let him know that you have all the details done and all he has to do is be ready.

Gman, I hope you are not suggesting that lunabear surprise her guy with a 3some. That is definitely not something you do irl without both partners talking it thru. That might be fine in fantasy, but that is a huge step in reality. lunabear, if you are interested in pursuing the 3some angle, my suggestion would be to talk about pretending there is a 3rd person with you while having sex and see what his reaction is.

I really dont have any fantasies other than to have a sex life. I think if I were to die in the sack, the coroner would say cause of death is boredom. Believe it or not, we have been married 35 years and we still dont talk about sex other than what she doesnt want and those were made very clear years ago. She wont tell me what she likes. It comes down to this; talking about sex is uncomfortable for my wife. This in turn has made me uncomfortable too since the subject has always ended up in an argument. The sad part is there is no "make up sex". We just wait until another time and try again. If it works, it works. If not, try another time.

Gman- Thanks for you reply. I know he has fantasies, I think is what is so frustrating about this! I just want to spice things up and the whole "nothing turns me on except your naked body" thing doesn't turn me on, I know he is just saying that because he thinks he should. He did open up a lot about his fantasies when I was newly pregnant but now after the baby he is in a rut in the bedrooom I guess. What do you suggest as the "special suprise" be? I won't have a threesome but I have said I wanted to go to a Strip club with him, but he says no that they frustrate him because he can't touch them.

Eammon- What exactly are you saying or what advice are giving me? I was a little confused about the point of your post, are you just complaining about your non-existant sex life? Or are you saying that maybe my S/o doesn't talk to me about sex because he thinks I won't like what he says? I am pretty sex positive and he has said it is clear I am more willing to explore in bed than he is. I just really doubt that he has no fantasies and what him to be able to share with me what he thinks is sexy.

Hi Luna, Sorry for my delay in responding. I was out of the country and had limited access. Anyway, for me it is not to complain about my sex life. It is to point out what others on this thread have also said; it can be intimidating for some to discuss fantasies. I tried it a few times with different approaches but they ended up the same way, judgment and criticism. The fact is I use to believe it was normal to want to talk about sex. However, my wifes insecurity about talking about it have put a damper on it. Yes, I know it sounds like I am passing blame but it is a turn off when one asks for something new or different and rejection and ridicule are the end result. You may want to read some articles about sex drive killers. I think previous bad experiences can bring out some negative feelings and aprehension to express desires. This is just my opinion. I am not a doctor. Also, although my sex life isnt what I would say is great, I still love my wife. That is important.

He is afraid to hurt you, or scared you will hurt him with these fantasies. It is difficult to express fantasies without causing insecurities. What are the boundaries for expressing these fantasies? They can involve desires for others - or other types of bodies or looks. Or they may simply involve situational things with ones own partner.

Dangerous stuff if it both parties are not 100% secure in themselves and the relationship. I had a GF who was very sexual and wanted to watch porn with me - I selected something and while at first she was excited she started saying "you seem to pick ones with blonds with big boobs - is that the type of woman what really turns you on?"

Yep - dangerous stuff.

I can understand about being scared about expressing fantasies. I also know that he probably has fantasies that don't include me, but I would like to know the fantasies that we could maybe out out together. I have watched porn with him (it is always my idea) and I pick the video. It is always fun and we enjoy it. But after 3 years together and a baby, I thought we could be more open with each other.

I appreciate it is not the best solution but what about after a drink or two? Would he be more willing to share his fantasies then?

"He did open up a lot about his fantasies when I was newly pregnant..."

Okay so what were they? or rather what did you do after he told you about them?...

By the way - I want to say you are rare and special wife for wanting to increase the sexual excitement with your husband.

We acted out his fantasies and it was honestly the hottest sex we ever had. But I really felt like he was sharing the most tame fantasies with me. I would like to explore new things with him. To be fair, I have had body issues and I understand him being hesitent. I have been working on my own issues and would really like to get our sex life going again.