Anxious Girlfriend
My girlfriend and I have been dating for awhile and I'm trying to move it to the next level. But she is afraid of sex. She's been used in the past, and is very hesitant saying, "I think sex should be spontaneous" and I can't figure out how to make her comfortable with the topic or the action. When I bring up the topic she breaks down and cries. she says, "I don't want to be so afraid like this." I haven't asked for anything in a while, I've just been spending time with her. But it feels like I'm in "the friend zone" with in my own relationship.
Any suggestions on how to make her more comfortable?
Perhaps it would be worthwhile for her to speak to someone about this? Even if you put your frustration aside, she has mentioned that she does not want to be "so afraid like this." This warrants some discussion with an experienced sex therapist to give her some perspective on her experience. She's fortunate to have a patient partner like you.
Hmmm, it sounds like something has happened in her past that is creating this type of reaction. How long is "awhile" that you've been together? Would you be comfortable talking to her about where these reactions are coming from? You'd have to do that in a very non-threatening way that makes it clear that your intentions are not to have sex with her, but rather to understand her on a deeper level. What is your reaction when she breaks down and cries when you bring it up? If that happens again, I think you should use that as an opportunity to really talk to her about it. Take the action out of the equation. If you really care about her, I think you need to put the action of sex aside for a bit and really get to know her and the reasons she feels this way.
Sounds like it's time to move on. If it's this much work, this early on you should probably just part ways amicably. It's only likely to become "more so" as time progresses.