When does bad sex become a deal-breaker?
I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and our sex life has been dull to say the least. We are both in our early twenties, but usually have sex only once every two months. I realized I really had no desire to have sex. As students, our studies would often get in the way. To make matters worse, I always found that after a long period of time sex would become painful for me. He tried going down on me a few times, but it did nothing to "ease" me into pain-free sex because I would often become too numb, feel guilty, and tell him I was ready anyway. I eventually realized this was a huge problem that would not go away on its own, so I decided to buy "She Comes First" for us in the hopes that it could get our sex life back on track (and I would, hopefully, be able to enjoy and look forward to sex.) When I gave it to him, I told him how important it was that he read it. He never did. I am extremely hurt. Our relationship is already on the rocks - is this worth ending it over?
I am no expert, but I can relate to your situation. My bf just made me come with his tongue for the first time after 3 years! We bought "She Comes First" and I read, not him, twice! He made me come and NOW he starting to read the book to perfect his technique. I have a hard time getting into it because it takes me a long time and don't want him to get bored. So most of the time I don't have an orgasm. Do you love your boyfriend otherwise? Is the relationship good in other areas? I think there does need to be a sexual attraction/connection to begin with. Do you think it is your issues with sex getting in the way or is it really your bf's lack of technique? I used to blame my bf but really a lot of the issues are my own. He isn't perfect, but I have to get more comfortable with taking the time to orgasm with him.Good luck!
My personal opinion is yes it can be a deal breaker. Relationships include a lot of compromise however if it gets to the point of one or both of you have to give up something that is important to you I would say it's not meant to be.
I'm no expert, but sex once every two months when you're in your twenties is indicative of a problem. If it's a problem both sides are willing to work together to fix then great. If on the other hand only one side seems concerned enough to work on it then that indicates a greater relationship problem.
You have the right to be happy in your relationship. If it's this much work this early on you have to consider whether it's right for you.
Because sexual expression and sexual activity is part of who we are, significant sexual problems in a relationship can become a deal-breaker. Because I have seen many couple have great improvement in their sexual relationship, it may not be impossible to resolve. You do need to have clear communication, however, and lovingly and calmly explain the importance of your sexual relationship to him. Once you both are communicating about it, you can see if there will be change or not.