Confused, Sad, depressed, in need of real help.
I have never thought I would come down to this to place my problems on the net, but it seems like I have no where to go and I dont know who to talk to anymore.. I have pretty much given up...
Hi, this question is for Dr. Kerner. Sir your story on what you wrote on mensjourner.com about PE is the exact story of my life. I did what most parents tell you to do which is wait for the right person to come around and lose your virginity. I saved my virginty tell I was 26 with a girl who I was engaged with. First time I lasted less then 10 seconds we didnt use a condom since she is allergic and doesnt like them in any form. She was very pissed the first time and didnt talke to me for like three days.
Trying to keep this short as possible, we had sex maybe 6 times in one year because she was always upset that I PE. I thought it was because I was small and not experience. we took a break for 6 months for me to try it with other women. I tried with 2 freinds who tried coaching me.
There are many resources on this site, including an ebook that I wrote on the topic of overcoming premature ejaculation. Are you still in a relationship with the girlfriend you write about? If so, you need to talk about other paths to pleasure than just intercourse. It's much easier to deal with PE when your partner is having orgasms. We have a great oral sex guide as well. In terms of solutions, you might want to try a topical agent such as promescent, which will help diminish penile sensitivity. And there are also sexual positions that emphasize the top-side of your penis. And traditional exercises such as stop-start and squeeze can be helpful. And some people find it's helpful to go on a low dosage on an anti-depressant such as paxil, as that helps delay ejaculation. Hang in there!
Dr. kerner now that I have this up I can give more detail. I have known this girl since I was 25 we dated for 1 year and then broke up for a month because her family was a pain. In that month I knew this was the girl I wanted to marry. we got engagged and then had sex. like i previously said it was terrible. in the following 9 months we did it like 9 times and everytime same story. She was very experienced and I wasnt and she couldnt understand. so we went to A sex therapist and marraige counsler since she was really upset about this but loved me to the fullist and I loved her. we tried everything they said and nothing worked. her was very fustrated. she didnt like getting oral but giving she was ok with. we stayed engagged for close to two years the last 6 months she wasnt having anysex with me but she was masturbating every day 3 times a day and it also put strain in our relationship because I felt she was getting it from someone else.
second part to first reply. I felt she if I was giving it to her someone else was. we agreed to take a break for 6 months like I said I had lots of sex with two other girls that were trying to help with condoms and tropical stuff it just didnt work. I even wanted to get surgury to make my thing bigger thinking 6 inches was small and that making it bigger it would help. I bought a $450.00 track machine that mens journal said worked and it didnt make it bigger. I guess I used it wrong. after the 6 months she said she couldnt deal with it and we broke it off after I paid a crap load on wedding stuff. fast forward to now, in Novemember 2011 we started talking again but it was her who came to me. I didnt want to see her because I was hurt! I tried hurting myself couldnt get her off my mind. we started to talk/ date for 3 months and then she said that she really loved me and cared but the sex was not gonna work. we didnt have sex in that time. now she is with someone else. kills me
third part... I tried the tropical cream, the condom with cream kinda worked but I couldnt feel anything and would go limp. I also have the problem that I cant get the movement down right. the girls I have been with like doggy style and I keep slipping out and cant get the rythem right. I been to therapist, urologist, sex shops. I have a cousnler now for the the depression which has been 10 times better then last year and feel like Im getting out of my funk but every now and then I think about her. I tried the C@ck ring. I tried the mastrubation stuff. I havent tried the paxil that you say, who would i get that from? As of now I have gained 60 pounds never been fat before its not fun either I used to be a gym rat that lifted weight daily. Now I feel like less of man not in shape, un attractive, un useful in bed. 2 weeks ago I decided to work on this again and ran into your article and was amazed that your story was so similiar. I bought your book 3 days ago the "women come first"
I think you need to take the emphasis off of intercourse for a little while, and focus on other paths to pleasure, like oral sex. Or if you're not in a relationship, just don't worry about it for a bit -- give yourself a chance: go to the gym, eat well, and get yourself to a place where you can feel good about yourself. But also, if the issue is premature ejaculation, why would you be focusing on penis size? Is the issue more than premature ejaculation?
I felt that having a small penis like 6 inches, it slipping out and everytime it felt like I was entering here over and over which excited me. So me and my wise self thought that making it bigger via sugery will keep it inside and maybe feel different and helping me last longer. Thats what I thought? sorry I took so long to answer been away for work.
I got the book today so hopefully it helps.