I have a few questions....
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 7 months (we've been best friends for many years however). He's away on military training & won't be back until October,2013.I love him dearly. We've spiced things up as much as possible with the long distance. Everything is fine and we're going strong. He will be coming for a visit at some point in the near future....
He likes girl on top, so to speak. This makes me a little nervous simply because this is not my strong point. He's agreed to work on this with me but I'm still a little nervous. Thrusting on top for me is difficult & I'm hoping you might have some suggestions.
Secondly, the distance leaves an opportunity for me to... explore myself a little bit. I bought a vibrator to help me learn more about my own pleasure. However, I have an IUD(mirena)& I'm concerned about the vibrator knocking it out of place or something, causing infertility. I want to have kids someday & don't want this to happen. Are my concerns possible?
If the IUD was inserted properly (which it probably was) there should be no issue at all with using a vibrator. This sounds like a great time to deepen your understanding of your sexuality and your sexual responses. Remember, it's not just body, but also your mind that need to be eroticized. So definitely explore with a vibrator, but also stimulate your mind with fantasy -- there's so much terrific erotica available. In learning what works and doesn't work for you, you'll have that much more understanding when your boyfriend returns. Out of curiosity, what is it about the "woman on top" position that makes you uncomfortable?
A number of things I think. First of all I'm not good at thrusting- never have been. My body gets tired easily in positions like that. I'm worried about his pleasure being affected by this...
Secondly, My self esteem is not that great and being on top exposes my body. He says he loves my body. However, I've been judged, criticized, and rejected because of my body in a previous relationship and the damage, so to speak, hasn't truly gone away yet.I believe him when he says he loves my body, but sometimes I can't help but worry.
Me being on top is a fantasy of his and I intend fulfill that fantasy. I guess I'm just trying to figure out a way to feel a little less nervous about this.
When a woman is on top, it's not so much thrusting as it is learning to move up and down (or forward and back) over his erection. You can practice this by getting a dildo with a base, then place it on the floor or bed and practice sliding up and down over it. It will probably require you to hold the base, but there are some dildos that can be placed on a hard surface by suction. The tub or a floor work well, but you can experiment a little. Don't ever worry about a dildo or a vibrator knocking out your IUD - won't happen if it's placed correctly.
Some women don't like being on top b/c they feel more exposed or like the pressure to perform is on them. (imagine what some guys feel like!) If there are other reasons that you don't like being on top, those might interfere with you relaxing and enjoying the experience. Just something to think about.
A number of things I think. First of all I'm not good at thrusting- never have been. My body gets tired easily in positions like that. I'm worried about his pleasure being affected by this...
Secondly, My self esteem is not that great and being on top exposes my body. He says he loves my body. However, I've been judged, criticized, and rejected because of my body in a previous relationship and the damage, so to speak, hasn't truly gone away yet.I believe him when he says he loves my body, but sometimes I can't help but worry.
Me being on top is a fantasy of his and I intend fulfill that fantasy. I guess I'm just trying to figure out a way to feel a little less nervous about this.
Thank you so much for your reply!
It's so wonderful that you are honest with yourself because too many people don't even want to think about what their obstacles are b/c then they have to take responsibility.
Our bodies are built to be active - sexually and physically. My best suggestion - work out. While he is away, you can both build up your strength and endurance as well as get your figure where you want it to be by starting an exercise and healthy eating program. Do you live on base? Find a group of ladies that you can work out with regularly and motivate each other. Or you can find a great class and build up your leg strength and core muscles - all used greatly for being on top during sex.
I work out daily and eat right. My plan is lose 15 pounds before he comes home. No luck yet but I'm sticking with it. I don't live on base. I live in Maine. My boyfriend is 2200 miles away in San Antonio, Texas. Again, the distance isn't a problem. We've somehow managed to keep things, spicy so to speak, despite the distance. My parents (2 hours away) are trying to lose weight as well and they keep me motivated over the phone. =)
I'll definitely take your suggestion, Dr. Castellanos! I have a vibrator and I'll see if I can practice the proper movement with that first. If not, I'll find a dildo with a base. Thank you so much you guys!
I am by no means an expert. But my wife and I have had a very fulfilling sex life for the past 11 years. We often add an elements of novelty to our sex life. Whether it be a new position or sex toy. While I can understand a bit of performance anxiety especially after not seeing each other for some time. My advice would be to simply approach this all with a sense of fun and adventure. Just have fun. Don't feel like your working at it.