Straight/gay cybersex
I have a friend I met in a round about way through a rape survivors website. He is also a survivor of rape and domestic violence. As I have difficulty even hugging someone, he and I began working on my hugging issues with cyber hugs. It even got to the place that I felt safe enough to "sleep" in his bed with him. I sleep better at night on the nights I cuddle with him.
It surprised us both when we became close emotionally. He encourage me to go on my first date since I left my husband 19 months ago. Then he sat up all night worrying about my safety. About a week ago, it turned into cyber sex. He is worried, not about himself, but that he is taking advantage of me. I don't see how a gay man engaging in and enjoying cyber sex with a straight woman is taking advantage of her. He's terrified he will be thought a monster for it.
It's a truly safe way for me to find triggers, just saying the words can trigger me, and he always helps me calm down. I love the respect I get from this man.
I'm sorry, but I'm a little confused. Do you have a physical relationship, or is the entire relationship cyber-based? I think it's great that you're able to get emotional support from each other, and it's only natural that you would develop a close relationship. As for cyber-sex, I would just be aware that there are complications that would probably prevent this from blossoming into a healthy sex relationship. Again, a bit confused, but he's gay, right? It sounds like you're both emotionally vulnerable and enjoying different aspects of the intimacy you've fostered together (including sexual) and I would just enjoy it for what it is and recognize that your feelings might continue to escalate and that could pose a problem.
Ian.
Thanks for your response. Yes, he is decidedly gay. No, I don't expect a healthy sexual relationship to come from this, but as I have never had one, I don't know what I'm missing anyway. He is a continent away, so meeting is probably never going to happen. We both have decided symptoms of Complex PTSD and most likely neither of us will tolerate a real life relationship with an intimate partner.
I wish that I could say that we would meet and could find a "happily ever after". Unfortunately "happily ever after" is for fairy tales and I've lost my ability to believe in anything other than horror stories.
I hope I'm wrong about him and that he will be able to find an intimate partner who will treat him with the love and respect he deserves.
As for myself, I have what I want. Someone to treat me with respect whether intimacy ever becomes a part of it or not.