Stressed in bed
I'm struggling with this topic a little. Even though no one has told me or said anything to me, I always worry and wonder if I'm doing it right. I had spent all of my 20's with a single man and he was the first one I had ever slept with. I lost my virginity when I was 20. That relationship ended almost 2 years ago and have been back in the dating game.. but I'm constantly wondering if I'm doing things right or wrong.. especially when it comes to girl on top positions. I'd love to become better and more experienced without turning myself into a whore. I am currently dating someone now for a while and even though he's never said anything to me, I know this is me being harder on myself than he would ever be, I would like to continually improve and have better sex, especially from girl on top.. who doesn't? Any advice, books, workshops.. anything to improve my confidence? Thanks in advance.
From a guys perspective (actually an older man perspective) your desire to improve your confidence is admirable. You pointed out your concerns about being viewed as a whore. Although it has been changing,our society has skewed the view of sex. Any woman that has admitted that she enjoys sex was once thought of as loose. I believe this;anyone that wishes improve their sex life is doing the right thing both for themself and their partner. My wife has a difficult time talking about change and new things in the bedroom. It is a generational thing. Heck, she doesnt even masturbate (bad gilrs do that). I guess the best thing you can do is to keep an open mind. Read, ask questions and enjoy yourself and your partner. Dont worry about what others may think. I think God wants us to enjoy ourselves and our partner. There is a reason we wre given pleasure. Just my opinion
I think that the more you are relaxed and focused on your pleasure, the better you will be in bed. Approaching sex with curiosity, fun, and interest puts you in a great state of mind to be an active, responsive, and connected partner. You should check out our many eBooks that can give you several "tips." But having a relaxed attitude helps keep away the anxiety and allows you to be more present. This is what helps you be responsive to your partner so that sex becomes like a dance that you are doing together rather than an exchange of one person "doing it" to the other.
Sweetchick248,
Look online for a "Better Sex for Life" type video or look in the back of many magazines; no, not Ladies Home Journal. Most car mags have ads for them, as well as AARP. Yup, AARP. I'm 65 and have always enjoyed sex 99% of the time, well maybe not with my 2nd wife - Ugh! Sorry, that's another story.
These CDs show you how to approach, initiate and enjoy romantic sex with someone you care about. Most of all, relax & enjoy the "ride".
Thanks to you all for your great feedback. I am definitely looking into books and the like.
I think my biggest obstacle will be more so with Relaxing and enjoying things to just happen. I had spent almost a decade with a man who would sometimes force sex or make me feel guilty or Something with the act. I suppose overall I haven't always had a great experience with it. Not to mention that I'm sure insecurity played a part when he wasn't the type to stay faithful to me either.
Needless to say I have been working through these things and have absolutely moved on from all that and have turned it into a learning experience instead of an 'oh feel sorry for me' type. This has made me a much smarter and more confident woman in other ways.
By the way, I've just read Dr. Ian's book "Be Honest- You're not that into him either".. awesome!! It made me realize things about myself and some of the men I've been dating and will definitely result in smarter decisions in the future! Thank You! :)
Relaxation is definitely an important part of being able to experience arousal/orgasm. Also, fantasizing during sex can help to eliminate distractions and outside worries.
Sex should be fun, and relaxing with a person you care about. It's not about doing something right or wrong but rather what you want to feel and what you want your partner to feel. Porn can be fun to watch and learn from as long as you can watch it knowing that it's people showing "non-commital" sex and mostly abusive.
Read this article
In my experience I enjoy when the girl is pleasured on top. The best way Ive found is when she sits on it deep and rocks forward and backwards as this fills her the whole time while still adding friction. Women have always climaxed this way and I am satisfied seeing it happen
Also I agree completely with one response. The more relaxed and comfortable you are the easier it is for you to climax. This is why sex with someone you love will always top casual encounters no matter what equipment or skill is involved
Thanks for all the advice and support. I am working on relaxing my mind and body and trying to simply enjoy the whole experience. However, being a woman.. sometimes I just over-think things. :-)
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years. We both lost our virginity to the other, and we have frequent, amazing sex. But everything I say is coming from that view. Your desire to become better in bed is really great to hear, but a huge part of the overall experience for both partners (at least when in a serious relationship) is the showing of effort in bed. Not necessarily going as hard as you can but doing things that your partner knows take a little extra. These things vary wildly from person to person and from relationship to relationship, and it may be you taking control and going on top or anything else. My overall tip for improving your sex life while in a serious relationship is to really try and lose yourself in the moment. If both you and your partner can do this it really helps escalate things. When you both no longer care about making weird noises or faces you can both throw all you have into having amazing sex.
Also! If you are serious with your partner and feel asthough you have a very open relationship you should talk with him. But, don't approach it from "something is wrong with our sex life", this could scare him or make him feel self conscious. Don't approach it from "Do you think something is wrong with our sex life?" either because this will most likely either result in him saying there is nothing wrong (since there most likely isn't) or him saying something that might upset you. Your best bet is to approach it by talking about sex stuff, maybe bring up a few things he does that you like, and then pose a question along the lines of "what things can we do or add to make our amazing sex life that much more amazing". When you come from that angle you are most likely to be in it together rather then against one another, and it also gives each of you an opportunity to bring up things you don't like so much as a suggestion. And of course it lets you brain storm some new ideas for your sex.