Rules about sex and dating?
Now a 31 yr old female back in the dating world after a decade, I'm confused because at first getting 'back in the saddle' I had my fun with some guys but now am ready for something more. What are the rules in today's dating world? Is it or is it not okay to have sex on a first date? I haven't done this nor do I plan to. However I've given blowjobs, is that the same or different as having sex?
If you're interested in someone, do you have to pretend not to be? I'm not the type to harass guys with calls/texts. But if I'm interested in someone I don't want to be too aloof and then they confuse it for not being interested.
Recently I was on what seemed to be a great date, texting for a couple weeks prior, went out, had a great time mutually/chemistry, hooked up & gave him a bj but I refused to take my pants off to prevent things from going further. He texted me the day after & today, but texts are less in in between. Is he not interested or playing hard to get? Confused about the rules?
I think it's really important to follow your instincts -- there's no one rule or piece of etiquette -- if you're in the mood for casual sex, and sex for the sake of sex and fun, then go for it. Just remember to put your safety at the top of the list in terms of priorities. If you're interested in sex as part of a growing, emotional, intimate experience, then just make sure you feel good about it. We have a great ebook, The Science of Successful Dating, and actually based on your post it sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders. I personally don't distinguish between oral sex and intercourse as a sex act, but it's okay if you do -- do what feels right and makes you feel comfortable, and remember to put your pleasure, self-esteem and safety first!!
Even the old rule of "three dates" has kind of gone away. Dating these days sometimes comes with the expectation of sex (all things).
I also don't see much difference between a BJ and full intercourse. Actually I kind of feel a BJ (particularly to completion) to be more intimate, giving, and sexual then intercourse... but that's my belief only.
I do respect your willingness to keep some parts of yourself until later in a relationship.
So...be true to your own beliefs and feelings. Also be honest with your partners about those beliefs and feelings.
If your goal is to find something deeper with someone -a long lasting relationship - then it has to be someone who shares your beliefs on sex and love.
"Oral sex". Hmmm, the term does include the word sex. It is a very intimate sexual activity. Yes, it is sex just like intercourse is sex. Any effort to define it otherwise is just trying to ignore reality.
Please consider SAFETY FIRST. Engaging in sexual activity with anyone you do not know well and whose sexual history you do not KNOW (not just what they told you during a date or two) is opening yourself to any number of STD's, many of which have no cure.
Are a few hours of sexual activity worth a possible lifetime disease, or even your life, worth it ? Take the time to get to know the real person, the one behind the face. If they have a real heart they will desire the same for you and themselves. Otherwise they just want to use you for their own sexual satisfaction and do not give a damn about your welfare.