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Wife Regrets our (almost) MFM threesome

By LostInJersey on Aug 23, 2012 at 8:52 AM

My wife & I have been talking dirty in bed for years about another man joining us in bed. A few months ago the talk got specific about my pal joining us. This created some of the hottest sex we have ever had. Well after a few drinks (nothing extreme) the other night, fantasy became reality. They made out, we kissed & played with her breasts, he watched us have sex, he kissed & played with her breasts alone & while we had sex, he went down on her, but they DID NOT have sex.



Problem is, the next morning she was irate about what happened, blamed me for it all, and acted like I forced her. Problem with that is that she initiated it & enjoyed every second. Also, for week after we had amazing sex and I could tell she was thinking about it.



So my question is, what do I do now? When I liked it & would do it again in a second, & I know she liked it but can't seem to terms with that. I think the real problem is society's idea that good girls don't do stuff like that & she is embarassed.

5 replies

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Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT | Aug 23, 2012 at 6:47 PM | Reply | Report

This is a really common issue when fantasy crosses a line into reality, especially when another person is introduced into the dyad. Personally, I would not jump to the conclusion that your wife liked it, and that it's only societal constraints that are stopping for her -- I'm not saying you're wrong, but you just don't know that for sure. My advice is to really be there for her, and be in her corner. Have you had a conversation about it. It's really important that you reassure her about how much you love her, and that you don't need to have another involved in order to have great sex. Find out what's on her mind, and use the experience to make your bond stronger.

LostInJersey | Aug 28, 2012 at 3:59 AM | Reply | Report

Yes, we have talked about it. It is all we talked about the next day, and I actually did reassure her that I don't need that and that I love her.

The problem is that we are now ignoring that it ever happened. I tried to talk to her about the experience, but all she could say was; "I can't believe you did that to me", "What kind of man gives his wife to another guy?", "how can I ever trust you again", & "what is wrong with you?". Instead of owning up to the fact that she decided to do it (and even initiated it), she wants to blame me. I am afraid that if we can't sit down and discuss how we feel about what **WE** decided to do, it is giong to be a problem under the surface of many fights to come.

The reason I say it is societal constraints that make her ashamed of it has to do with many other points of reference. When it comes to sex in general, she is generally concerned with what society thinks is right where as I am concerned with what **I** think is right.

1kuelguy | Aug 29, 2012 at 10:48 AM | Reply | Report

LostInJersey,

I feel your pain. Many of us have thoughts or fantasies like those you have acted upon. I am not trying to be intentionally insensitive but I see your situation as a valuable learning experience for the rest of us who have had these thoughts.

As the man once said, "You can't put the Genie back into the bottle."

Good luck and I hope things work out.

1KG

D | Oct 10, 2015 at 6:04 AM | Reply | Report

Lost.......I know where you're coming from. When my g/f and I had been living together for about a year we were sharing fantasies and found we had a lot of them in common. So we made a bucket list and got started. We thought going to a swing club would be hot, even if we just watched. Pulled into the parking lot and chickened out. Went home and had wild sex. We met with two local couples with the idea of swapping. The husband in the first couple didn't do it for either of us, so we declined their invite to their house. Second couple was hot, both bi (also on our list) but we thought it would be good to think about it and get back with them. While I was away on business, my g/f and the other wife hooked up at our house and had sex. SO sorry I was away. G/f told me about it, how hot it was, but not really her cup of tea. Never swapped with that couple. G/f decided she wouldn't be able to handle seeing me sexually with the other wife. However, we did decide to have a MFM.....

D | Oct 10, 2015 at 6:17 AM | Reply | Report

....continued
MFM with a single friend of mine who was visiting from out of state. Mind blowing sex and she orgasmed many times that night, as did my friend and I. She enjoyed it so much that SHE invited him back for a repeat the following night. This happened 2 months before our wedding. The sex between us ramped up even more. FF 6 months after the wedding I had a business trip to the city our 3sum friend lived in and wife came along. Again, a mind blowing threesome ensued. Then started the beginning of the end of our sex life. That last adventure was 14 years ago, and our marriage has been sexless for the last 4.
When we did talk about it she was very reserved, said she felt like a slut (like that's a bad thing?), how could I want to share her, it wasn't something that a proper wife/mom should be doing, what if someone found out?
I miss the "old" wife/slut I married and am dying inside.

..men marry hoping the woman won't change. Women marry hoping to change the man.

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