The Doctor is In!

Oral sex - is it even?

By strikerrose on Feb 1, 2017 at 5:39 PM

I am currently in a relationship where the sex has gotten a little "weird". For a long time, I thought we had a pretty good sex life - but fairly recently she has pointed out that I'm selfish.

For a long time, she would go down on me maybe 5-6 times a week. Admittedly, for a long time, I went down on her maybe only twice a month.
About 2 months ago, we had a large fight about this and she said how unfair it was. I agreed - and I thought we had improved the situation.
She was still going down on me maybe 5-6 times a week - and I was going down on her maybe 3 times a week. I understand that's not even - but there in lies the problem - given all that I do and everything about our relationship, I think it evens out in other ways.
But will I always have this battle?
Even if I contribute more in other areas, will she always find the unfairness in that department? I genuinely don't think I'm prepared for a relationship where it's even in that department -maybe I'm just a selfish jerk?

7 replies

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Kate McCombs, MPH | Feb 3, 2017 at 3:04 PM | Reply | Report

Yes, I think you're being quite selfish and I can see what your partner has gotten angry at you about this.

Sexual fairness does not get evened out in other ways. Sex is not a payment for other acts that one does in a relationship. Healthy relationships have sexual balance.

It's worth asking yourself why you find it so arduous to have balance in that department? Why you feel entitled to have more oral sex than she does?

CE | Feb 4, 2017 at 6:35 AM | Reply | Report

Yes you are selfish. Why do you think you're entitled to oral sex more than she is?

C.Coe | Feb 7, 2017 at 1:01 PM | Reply | Report

Very selfish! Its not fair to use other "things you do" to equate to equaling out in bed. What if every day she cooked a meal or took care of a kid she said... no sex I changed a diaper.
She shouldnt give you an orgasm unless you give her one.... THAT would be fair in bed.

Phil | Feb 7, 2017 at 9:00 PM | Reply | Report

Wow dude, yeah that sounds weird on your part. Even it out.

bluewater | Feb 12, 2017 at 11:28 AM | Reply | Report

5-6 times a week? Damn man. I'd marry that gal if I were you.

CarrieP | Feb 14, 2017 at 2:49 AM | Reply | Report

Obviously sex has to be evenly poised or balanced. Pleasure both deserves equally

Ballydehob | Feb 19, 2017 at 7:29 AM | Reply | Report

I disagree in one respect. Equalizing is not the essential feature (although I respect the concept!). I believe it should be about what each person feels they need. If she wants it 7 times this week to his 5, then he should try to accommodate her need and vice versa. And this can fluctuate week to week. I am in favor of responding to my partner's needs as they present rather than "keeping score."

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