Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

  • Commented on Whats happening to me?
    Have there been any changes to your lifestyle, even small ones? Medications, changes in routine, riding a bicycle, new stressors, anything that offers clues?...
  • Commented on Nauseated seeing another man's semen!
    Well, it sounds like you're having two issues: the first is delayed ejaculation, correct? Are you on any medications that might be causing sexual side effects? Since you're bisexual, do you have similar experiences when you're with women? Is this...
  • Commented on Penis become soft
    Is this a correct assessment of your situation? When you're on top in the missionary position, you lose your erection? And when she's on top, you ejaculate too quickly? Please confirm and we'll answer from there....
  • Commented on How do I handle a husband who wants to expose me to others?
    I can understand how this is a source of anxiety, and it sounds like you and your husband have different sexual temperaments? Are you feeling pressure to open up your marriage or engage in more of a swinger's life? When...
  • Commented on No sexual attraction
    So you're lack of attraction is primarily for your husband? You're able to fantasize, and do you find yourself attracted to other people? In order to have a good sex life, you have to have the sort of relationship that...
  • Commented on my boyfriend has been engaging in anal play and won't admit it
    Since you found the folder of photos without snooping on him in any way, I'm wondering if you should bring it up in a supportive, constructive way. Do you have any idea what the photos were for? His own enjoyment?...
  • Commented on Incapable of orgasm with partner
    It's quite common to be orgasmic during masturbation, but non-orgasmic during partnered sex. Generally, for women, one of the issues is that during masturbation there's more potential for persistent clitoral stimulation than during intercourse as many positions only haphazardly stimulate...
  • Posted What is the best way for a woman to introduce a sex toy to The Good in Bed Forums
    to a guy? And what if you're both anxious about it?...
  • Commented on Husband can't enjoy himself in bed unless it relates to his fetish
    Yes, I'd like to hear more about the specific fetish and how it potentially relates to a deeper core erotic theme (CET). Many people have strong core erotic themes or unconventional arousal templates, but far fewer have festishes in the...
  • Commented on how to deal with lack of orgasms
    I understand your situation. Sorry my book She Comes First made you feel badly. Have you read a book by Emily Nagoski entitled Come as You Are? That might be helpful. Emily talks a lot about the dual control model,...
  • Commented on How long does good sex last in bed?
    Not sure length of time is the relevant dimension as much as pleasure. I like to advise men to "get cliterate" and focus on stimulation of the vulva rather than just penetration of the vagina. All women have a vagino-clitoral...
  • Commented on Ejaculating quick
    Priligy is not available in the US. Not sure about Private Gym, it's basically a program around Kegels that's been FDA registered as far as I know, not approved. Kegel exercises can be helpful in pulling back from point of...
  • Commented on Advice for... An interesting first time.
    I don't want to over-sentimentalize your first time, but why do you want it to be with a stranger via a sex ad? As for STIs, you should be fine with a condom. In terms of your muscle condition, I...
  • Commented on I've been getting curious lately?
    How old are you and Nicholas?...
  • Commented on My husband always wants sex.What can I do?
    He definitely has a high libido, and I understand that there's a discrepancy between the amount of sex he wants and your own desires. I don't want to jump to the conclusion that there's anything wrong with his levels of...
  • Commented on My Insecurities About Sexual Ability
    Some studies have shown that as women get closer to orgasm that parts of the female brain associated with high anxiety and stress deactivate. So you have to be able to turn off in order to turn on. Just focus...
  • Commented on Sex advice?
    I wonder if he's experience arousal non-concordance in which he may get physiologically aroused (an erection), so it appears that he's erect, but he's not fully mentally aroused, so he loses his erection. Maybe focus on more mental stimulation at...
  • Commented on Masturbation over Sex
    If you haven't had sex with your husband since you've been married and he's masturbating to porn, then I really think you should see a couples therapist. How do you know he has erection problems? Have you tried to have...
  • Commented on cant keep him hard during sex
    So his issue is that he loses his erection during intercourse? Is he on any medications that would affect erectile quality? Have you had a conversation with him about it? Is he anxious about the sex he's having with you?...
  • Commented on Feeling Inadequate
    Have you talked to her about this? Are you sure she's checking out other men?...
  • Commented on Sex advice?
    Great point!...
  • Commented on Ejaculation Control
    Many women have a natural propensity for multiple orgasms, while all men have refractory period -- the interval between ejaculations before a man can get erect again. Sounds like you are good at exerting ejaculatory control, but if you want...
  • Commented on hands in the Vagina
    How about trying a vibrator to enhance your manual stimulation?...
  • Commented on Almost got Bent inside
    What position is this happening during?...
  • Commented on confused
    It's a very common fantasy for women, in fact lesbian porn is more popular amongst heterosexual women than men. I would say to enjoy your fantasy as a fantasy and maybe even share with your husband and see how it...
  • Commented on Submissive princess
    So I assume you're talking about consensual BDSM? Her fantasies are not uncommon and as long as you're including safe practices and aftercare, you should be able to enjoy this, assuming you can get into it as well. I think...
  • Commented on My 21 y/o girlfriend can't hit the big "O"
    Okay, I just want to make sure we're talking about having an orgasm and not squirting, since you mention both? First question, is your girlfriend able to have an orgasm when she masturbates?...
  • Commented on Sex advice?
    For a short period of time, try taking intercourse off the table and all surrounding pressure to have intercourse. Focus on outercourse: oral sex, manual stimulation, etc. But also commit to creating windows of time where you simply generate arousal...
  • Commented on Sexual advice
    Does this feel different than when you ejaculate via masturbation?...
  • Commented on Frustration over my partner fantasying during sex
    It's very common for people to fantasize during sex, it's a way of helping the mind deactivate from outside stressors. Many fantasies are taboos too, as that's sort of the point of fantasies. Don't take it personally, and I believe...
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