One of my earliest posts on the blog was about responsive desire, the phenomenon of not being really interested in sex until sex (or something sexy) has already started. It's crucially important to understand this, since the mistaken belief that "desire" is "supposed" to be spontaneous - like, you're walking...
This coming week's lecture is going to be about reproduction and mate selection. It's a really good night, full of complicated ideas and the opportunity to cull a bunch of bullshit from students' minds, and even to teach them how to be critical consumers of sexuality-related science in the media....
When you're dealing with a penis, squeeze up, relax down. Squeeze up. Relax down. Whether using a hand or a vagina or a mouth or a mechanical device... Squeeze up. Relax down. (Not so much with anal sex, you mostly just want to let the anal sphincter relax during penetration.)...
Multiple questions lately on what it means to have various kinds of fantasies. "I'm totally a big gay, but I really get off on fantasies about people of the other sex." Or "I'm like WAY straight, but I really get off on fantasies about people of the same sex." Or...
It was pointed out to me that in my jealousy post of more than a year ago, I said I'd write a post for the non-jealous partner. I never did. So here: If you're partner to someone who is jealous, start by reading the jealousy post above. And then memorize...
So. I recently made fun of the advice that playing hard to get will help attract a romantic partner. And it is stupid advice. But it's so ubiquitous, so often repeated, so habitually believed, that one can't help wondering if there isn't maybe SOMETHING to it. My opinion is that...
So, the good news is that there's actual evidence of bisexuality in men, as measured by physiological response to erotic stimuli. This is good news because the myth of bi men as "gay men not ready to come out" and bi women as "straight girls with a wild side" persists,...
If I were going to design a system for people to create and build long-term, monogamous relationships, I would emphatically NOT build the system that is currently in place. I mean, let's think about how it works. Take a typical example: You meet a stranger. Or say a friend sets...
I've had a surprising theme in my conversations with various people lately: not wanting orgasm. Mostly these have been folks - both people with penises and people with vaginas - who desire sex with some frequency, but desire orgasm with LESSER frequency. They say, "I just really love making my...
Can you please talk a little about sex dreams? (Why people think they happen, when girls "usually" start to have them / anything else you think would be good for us to know) Well, so there's the "dream" part of the question and then there's the "sex" part of the...
I have claimed that if you have sex too early, you risk having the other person view the relationship as primary (or even exclusively) sexual. Wait, though, and maybe all the time you spend together is colored by the question mark. When to have sex. Have it, say many...
Just one arousing kissing technique? To begin with, remember that the perception of sensation is context dependent, so that a sensation that's sexy in one context will be annoying or even painful in another. What qualifies as a sexy context varies from individual to individual and couple to couple, but...
I've always had a hard time with the saying, "Life's a journey, not a destination." It's the kind of thing people said to me a lot when I was in early- and mid-adolescence, because I was (and am) an intense, high-energy person who moves at a fast pace. "Slow down,...
Women change more across their lifespans. What they find pleasurable changes (often from partner to partner, as well as from reproductive stage to reproductive stage), whom they're attracted to changes (in Lisa Diamond's longitudinal study, 30% of her participants who identified as lesbian at the start of the study FELL...
Here is the bit I'm responding to today (pp. 123-4). It's a case history intended to illustrate the idea that "... most people have strong personal feelings associated with their sexual muscles.... When people begin to pay attention to their pelvic muscles, it often happens that intense feelings are triggered,...
The way I describe the relationship between men's and women's sexuality is the same way I describe the relationship between men's and women's genitals: "Same stuff, just organized differently." With regard to genitals, I'm talking about biological homology, something I've talk about a couple of times (though it turns...
There are a number of reasons people with vaginas - let's call them "women" for now - might experience pain with vaginal penetration: 1. Most commonly, you'll experience pain because of lack of lubrication, resulting in friction. Not enough foreplay or a lack of correlation between mental arousal and physiological...
How do you feel about polyamory? How do I feel about it? For me personally? Or for you? Just in general? To me personally, it seems like a lot of hard work. I appreciate the principle of open and honest communication around sex and love, I totally dig that people...
This is my life: I go to have brunch with some folks and end up in a conversation about dealing with a partner's erectile dysfunction.... And then I wrote a blog post about it. What do you do when your partner routinely loses his erection? Well, the first thing...
Do many women cry after their first orgasm Sure. How many? I have no idea. This isn’t something I can get statistics on (as far as I know), but if you watch Betty Dodson’s videos you’ll see that first orgasms are INTENSELY personal experiences that are often accompanied by cathartic...