Good in Bed Blogs

Sex Nerd

with Emily Nagoski

EmilyNagoski.jpg Emily Nagoski has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior, with a concentration in Human Sexuality from Indiana University, and a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology also from IU, including a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. While at IU, Emily taught courses in both Human Sexuality and Marriage and Family Interaction. With more than a decade's experience as a sex educator and an unshockable enthusiasm for empowering others to have healthy, joyful sex, Emily brings insight and clarity to the often perplexing, always fascinating world of human sexuality. For more info about Emily, please click here.

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Worthwhile sex books

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Not long ago, I did a little survey to find out what folks' favorite non-fiction sex books are. Here are the results. 5 people said The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides. I have assigned this book in my class and I am wholly in agreement that this...

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simultaneous orgasms

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Simultaneous orgasm has plenty of cultural capital; it doesn't need my assistance. But this NYT article about "dating" culture among 20-somethings makes me want to put in a word for the culturally crowned Ultimate Sexual Experience. This is the paragraph that did it: Traditional courtship -- picking up the...

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Monogamy is like math

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Monogamy is like math. It comes naturally, as long as you practice.And desire?Well I've written before about the important distinction between liking versus wanting. "Desire" as it seems to be understood popularly is nearly 100% WANTING. There is a thing out there that you don't currently have, and it's appealing and...

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Turning Off Nociception

Posted by Emily Nagoski

We have nerve endings whose job it is to recognize stimuli that are potentially dangerous ("nociceptors"). These pain receptions limit the intensity of stimulation you can give your partner because they have a "threshold" of pain tolerance. But you can raise the threshold and therefore increase the intensity of stimulation...

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Do most men really have a stronger sex drive than most women?

Posted by Emily Nagoski

A quick science tidbit before the weekend begins: a question someone asked at the end of my quick 10 question survey about the best non-fiction sex books you've read (feel free to participate if you haven't). The person asked, "Do most men really have a stronger sex drive than...

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Sex and a Glass of Wine

Posted by Emily Nagoski

In a browse around the internet, I ran into this: Feminists with FSD: the almighty glass of wine. The author - a self-identified feminist who also identifies as having a female sexual dysfunction - is frustrated by sex educators and therapists talking about wine as an alternative to medication.It's true that...

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Sex After Baby

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Coupla questions over the last few months about sex after childbirth - mostly from the male partners of the folks having the babies. Lower desire, more pain, and mental noise about body image stuff is endemic among post-partum women; it's all norma, but that doesn't always make it easier for...

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Body Image and Sex

Posted by Emily Nagoski

From the Maximegalon Institute for Slowly and Painfully Working Out the Suprisingly Obvious (thanks, DA) comes this new #paperIlike: Woertman and van den Brink's (2012) "Body Image and Female Sexual Functioning and Behavior: a Review" in the Journal of Sex Research (JSR). Guess what? It turns out negative body image...

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On the nature of Nice

Posted by Emily Nagoski

I've written before about the importance of being nice to each other and I've even given a few thoughts on HOW to be nice to each other. Talking with students this past week, I offered up one of my basic tenants of "niceness" in relationships: Always assume the other person...

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Shenpa Sex

Posted by Emily Nagoski

I went on the BEST VACATION EVER during spring break, which included a killer ass-whuppin' of a yoga class at the hotel's spa. The yoga instructor introduced us to the term, "shenpa," a Tibetan term meaning something like, "attached" or "hooked" or "urge" or "an itch and the desire to...

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How To Feel Your Feelings

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Because I say things like this a lot: The stress response is actually a stress response CYCLE. You have to complete the cycle or else all those stress chemicals just sit around turning sour in your body. and things like this: Feelings are like tunnels. You have to go all...

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Lemonade Sex

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Can we talk about coping skills? I spend a chunk of time talking about coping in my relationship guide because it turns out that effectively coping with stress is quite possibly the most important thing you can do to improve your sex life. Some people, when they get stressed, experience...

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Wanting, willing... open!

Posted by Emily Nagoski

One of my earliest posts on the blog was about responsive desire, the phenomenon of not being really interested in sex until sex (or something sexy) has already started. It's crucially important to understand this, since the mistaken belief that "desire" is "supposed" to be spontaneous - like, you're walking...

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Did men evolve to be overconfident?

Posted by Emily Nagoski

This coming week's lecture is going to be about reproduction and mate selection. It's a really good night, full of complicated ideas and the opportunity to cull a bunch of bullshit from students' minds, and even to teach them how to be critical consumers of sexuality-related science in the media....

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make a penis happy

Posted by Emily Nagoski

When you're dealing with a penis, squeeze up, relax down. Squeeze up. Relax down. Whether using a hand or a vagina or a mouth or a mechanical device... Squeeze up. Relax down. (Not so much with anal sex, you mostly just want to let the anal sphincter relax during penetration.)...

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Speculating about Fantasy

Posted by Emily Nagoski

Multiple questions lately on what it means to have various kinds of fantasies. "I'm totally a big gay, but I really get off on fantasies about people of the other sex." Or "I'm like WAY straight, but I really get off on fantasies about people of the same sex." Or...

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for the non-jealous partner

Posted by Emily Nagoski

It was pointed out to me that in my jealousy post of more than a year ago, I said I'd write a post for the non-jealous partner. I never did. So here: If you're partner to someone who is jealous, start by reading the jealousy post above. And then memorize...

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Hard to Get

Posted by Emily Nagoski

So. I recently made fun of the advice that playing hard to get will help attract a romantic partner. And it is stupid advice. But it's so ubiquitous, so often repeated, so habitually believed, that one can't help wondering if there isn't maybe SOMETHING to it. My opinion is that...

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science, activism, bisexuality

Posted by Emily Nagoski

So, the good news is that there's actual evidence of bisexuality in men, as measured by physiological response to erotic stimuli. This is good news because the myth of bi men as "gay men not ready to come out" and bi women as "straight girls with a wild side" persists,...

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a terrible system

Posted by Emily Nagoski

If I were going to design a system for people to create and build long-term, monogamous relationships, I would emphatically NOT build the system that is currently in place. I mean, let's think about how it works. Take a typical example: You meet a stranger. Or say a friend sets...

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