How can it be that I've never done a post about attachment styles? I talk about it all the time with students - it's useful stuff. It's the kind of thing that makes people go, "Why did no one tell me that 10 years ago?" Some background: the attachment system,...
It's the questions about relationships that break my heart. A lot of sex questions can be resolved simply by giving an answer: no, you can't get addicted to your vibrator; no, there are no ill health consequences related to masturbation, only ill health consequences related to shame about masturbation; yes,...
Can I offer an opinion on the subject? Bad boys- and I'm referring here to the attractively naughty ones, not the dickheads - are confident on the outside and wounded on the inside. Their wounds cause them to behave in risky ways (in my job I describe this as "maladaptive...
Here’s another one of those things I forget people don’t know. I like penises on principle. I like clitorises too. In fact, I think the whole phallus situation is pretty swell, if you’ll pardon the expression, and worthy of celebration. Penises vary – not so much as clitorises do,...
So I did this radio interview last night about foreplay? In prepping for it at first I was like, “What the hell is there to say about foreplay?” But then I got going and it turns out I have any number of thing to say about it. I did not...
When I do sexual assault prevention education, I often start with a standard little activity, where the first person names the number of people they know who have been sexually assaulted, and then the second person adds the people they’ve known to that, and the third adds theirs to...
What do you do once you’ve found it? You rub it. How exactly you do that depends on how you’re wired, and you can only figure that out through trial and error. Here I’ll give you some basic techniques that work for various women. Remember, with all manual penetration, the...
For the first time in YEARS someone has asked me about poop, in more than just a curious-about-the-fetish way. So this person who emailed me has a friend who pooped during penetration - not anal penetration, vaginal penetration - and they're worried it might happen to them. How common is...
Here is a hand-job tip that causes people's eyes to widen and their heads to tilt thoughtfully to one side. As I've mentioned before, the shaft of the penis extends deep inside a man's body. Much can be done with this fact. So why not do this: once he's...
I’ve spent today polishing a booklet about orgasm written by a student. I’m essentially just adjusting the formatting and checking for typgraphical errors, but the one weak bit is the section that explains the technical bit about how orgasm works and why they go wrong. It is incredibly difficult...
So here's a hard question that someone emailed me: WHY do women respond to such a wide range of stimuli? (Respond genitally, we mean, because by now you're all well versed in the non-concordance issue, right? Right.) Well. I don't know. No one does, really. I'll tell you my...
Okay. So I did a series on orgasm because it's what I get asked about most. I did a series on What Women Want because of a question a reader asked, and now, because of a comment from Mal, I'll do a series on small, realistic, effective things women...
I’m not one to identify strongly in a gender category, but there are a small number of ways in which I fall squarely into the “girl” camp. Skin care products are among those ways. In general, I recommend that folks have pre-arranged sex nights in their lives. I can’t get...
A bunch of the comments from my date night post were about body image. I work with college women. I think about body image a LOT. Not liking her body might be the most common reason for a woman's sexuality to shut down. It's almost ubiquitous. It's become the...
This morning I told a student I was gonna write a post about scars – how scars are sexy – and she said, “Oh my god have heard Alix Olsen?” Uh, nope… She told me about Popcorn and Laughter: You see, I never noticed I had stains until he...
Into the earl gray tempest of whether or not it's important to feel comfortable with cervical mucus, flowback, and other fluids, fell Half the Sky, the Pulitzer Prize winning book about global oppression of women. I started reading it this weekend because it happens to be my school's summer...
It's my job to be the wacknut who feels way more comfortable than you do with bodies, fluids, diverse sex acts, and non-normative gender expression. It's my job to be Barbra Streisand in "Meet the Fockers," regularly (though accidentally) embarrassing members of my social circle, while causing ripples of...
In my continuing story of stuff women can do to improve their desire, in lieu of any effective medical treatment, so far we've got: (1) Embrace responsive desire. (2) Work on your body image. and now (3) Stop having sex. I mean that. Why? Well, sometimes people's sexual interest...
So the Good In Bed forums have been up and running for a few days now and there are some pretty amazing questions being asked - from people with enviable sex lives looking for ways to expand their sexual landscape, all the way to folks with heartbreaking stories of sexual...
I've been writing lectures about safer sex and so I've been thinking about this fascinating stuff to do with the relationship between safer sex behaviors and attachment style. Briefly, safer sex is sexual decision-making and behavior that decreases (not necessarily eliminates) risk of STI transmission and unwanted pregnancy. The efficacy...