Sex on the Brain

with Ian Kerner

Should a Woman's "number" be Higher than a Man's?

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

People often lie about their "number" of past sexual partners: Men tend to overestimate, while women generally underestimate. Of course, it's possible that these men and women aren't lying at all, but simply remembering incorrectly, or reaching their number according to their own definition of sex - like the Clintonian...

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What do female orgasms and male nipples have in common?

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

It's a question that is helping inform research into the purpose of female orgasm (other than simply as a form of pleasure). Investigators want to know whether the female orgasm is an "adaptation" or "byproduct" of evolution. In other words, does the female orgasm, like the male orgasm, have its...

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Deep Tissue Orgasm

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Every woman loves a good massage, right, but how about one that truly results in a happy ending--in this case a deep-tissue orgasm?  Like many sexual techniques, this spicy little combo can be delivered in a variety of fashions, but is probably best achieved via a mix of manual and...

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Your Childhood and Your Sexuality

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

To create and sustain healthy intimate relationships, we often need to go back to the original building blocks of our sexual socialization and see how our patterns of sexual behavior took shape. We need to look at how we were modeled - or, in other words, what we learned and...

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Porn-Potatoes

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Over the past month, I've been conducting a "no-porn" experiment with a group of guys. Not that I'm anti-porn; I'd like to think that I take a nuanced perspective. As a sexuality counselor and author, I've written quite a bit in this column about Internet porn - from how it's...

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When Parents Flirt with Other Parents

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

From the dog run to Whole Foods to the Apple Store, you don't have to look far to see single people flirting it up. But when it happens at the playground (where the vast majority of parents are not so single), one tends to want to look away. Once upon...

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Hooking Up: Back to School

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Before you head back to campus, check your head when it comes to sex and dating: What's your relationship "frame of mind?" Are you content to happily hook-up or are you ready to seriously couple-up? A lot can change over the summer and, in addition to getting ready to hit...

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The Economy and Your Sex Life

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

With the threat of a double-dip recession looming, I've been encouraging couples to extend their own personal debt ceilings (so to speak) and start reinvesting in their relationships. All of the economic turbulence of the past few years has resulted in couples seriously cutting back on things like date nights,...

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Exhibitionism

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Are you an exhibitionist? Maybe even a little bit of one? Have you ever fooled around in the backseat of a taxi, or gotten it on at your parents' house, or made out in an elevator or stairwell, or enjoyed some great sex amidst the great outdoors? In my experience...

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Thoughts on Fetishes

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

As a sexuality counselor and author, I'm often asked, "What's the strangest thing you've ever dealt with?" I wish I could tell them something really juicy, like naked clowns wrestling in Jell-O, for example, but the truth is that most sexual complaints tend to be rather common: sex ruts, mismatched...

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Sexual Mixology

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Hey Guys, when it comes to pleasuring a woman, do you know how to mix the perfect cocktail of deliciously satisfying sensations? Sure, you probably have your own classic recipes for creating sexual intoxication, but have you added a dash of A-spot stimulation, or mixed in some deep U-spot contact,...

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Charity Sex vs. Pity Sex

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Is pushing yourself when you're not in the mood an investment in your relationship? You may be bristling at the phrase "charity sex." If you're a woman, perhaps it brings to mind past, award-worthy, faked orgasms. Or maybe it reminds you of that time you bit your tongue and had...

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Female Sexual Fantasies

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

While people may joke that men have only one thing on their minds, guys aren't the only ones with sex on the brain. In fact, according to a 1995 study by Harold Leitenberg and Kris Henning, sexual fantasies are common among both men and women, and approximately 95 percent of...

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Female Sexual Geography

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

When it comes to pleasuring a woman, knowing a little "sexual geography" goes a long way. Every guy should have a "clitoral compass" and know his way around a woman's sexual anatomy. At Good in Bed, we know that contrary to conventional wisdom--at least the kind that's as common as...

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women and porn

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

As a sex therapist and founder of the website Good in Bed, here's what I'm observing: - More couples are enjoying porn together, with women often taking the lead in choosing the material. - More women are using porn to get themselves in the mood for sex or to enjoy...

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Kama Sutra Positions

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Not enjoying sex as much as you feel you should? It could be that you haven't yet discovered the best position (or positions) for providing the both of you with maximum pleasure. While the missionary position is nice, there is a world of alternative bodily arrangements out there. For some...

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After the Affair: Can a Person Heal from Infidelity

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Absolutely. After the pain of infidelity has been mined and trust has been firmly restored, a couple can learn some important lessons that will help solidify their relationship. The irony is that sometimes an infidelity can be a catalyst for creating an even better relationship, by bringing hidden and repressed...

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Infidelity and the Emotional Aftermath

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Emotions run rampant after disclosure of an affair and many people aren't able to get a grip on themselves, let alone what the future of the relationship holds. It's best in these times to adopt a wait-and-see approach. In her book Not "Just Friends" Dr. Shirley Glass recommends that a...

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Managing Anger after Discovering Infidelity

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Some people react angrily when they learn of a partner's infidelity. Others respond calmly. Most people find that they swing between the two extremes in the days, weeks and, sometimes, months following the discovery of a partner's infidelity.  The aftermath of infidelity is often a confusing and difficult time for...

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Coming Clean about Infidelity

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

After an affair is discovered, betrayed partners often want to know everything--from start to finish--about a partner's infidelity. It can feel overwhelming to the partner who strayed to answer questions and provide details that are only going to create more hurt and anger. However, a person who commits any kind...

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