Sex on the Brain

with Ian Kerner

Confronting Your Partner about Infidelity

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Whether by chance or because you suspected something was wrong and snooped, finding evidence that your partner has cheated is a heart-breaking discovery. The initial shock is likely to trigger feelings of anger, sadness and everything in between. And as difficult as it may seem, it's best for you (and...

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When & How to Snoop

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Transparency is important in any relationship, from the professional to the personal, but especially in our romantic relationships. If you wouldn't say or do something in front of your partner, it's generally best not to say or do it in front of anyone. That said, accessing each other's email accounts,...

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Why People in Happy Relationships Cheat

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

In her book Not "Just Friends" Dr. Shirley Glass reported that 82 percent of unfaithful people started out being acquaintances, neighbors or coworkers with their affair partners. In other words, people who are unfaithful to their partners weren't looking for a relationship or seeking out strangers in a bar; it...

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Cheating Without Touching

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Attraction is magnified by an emotional connection. When one partner starts sharing himself or herself with another person, it chips away at the foundation of their relationship--and starts building a foundation for a new relationship. Part of what makes a couple's relationship special is the information they share only with...

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The Internet & Emotional Infidelity

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

When two people meet in a chat room or strike up an email relationship, it's easy to begin idealizing each other and blur the line between fantasy and reality. An intense sense of intimacy is quickly fostered. Sharing personal details and desires is often easier over the Internet than it...

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6 relationship weak-spots for emotional infidelity

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Most people don't set out to have an emotional affair. Rather, it just happens, usually as a friendly relationship snowballs into something more meaningful. A common myth is that only people in unhappy relationships have emotional affairs. In fact, many men and women who commit emotional infidelity report that...

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5 signs a partner may be having an emotional affair

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Picking up on the signs of an emotional affair isn't always easy. Many people wonder how they didn't know sooner. Others worry that their relationship paranoia is unfounded (and it may be). Ultimately, only you can know what your gut feeling is telling you. Here are some red flags...

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Emotional Affairs: the New Infidelity

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Emotional infidelity is the new threat to loving relationships. An emotional affair starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more. A gradual blurring of the lines between friendship and deeper intimacy draws even happily partnered people into relationships they never saw...

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sexual compatibility

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

I have a confession: I may be a sex therapist, but my own sex life is pretty ordinary. Don't get me wrong--my relationship with my wife is amazing. But if you think my line of work automatically means that we like to visit swingers' clubs or have mirrors on the...

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Why you should have sex at least once a week

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Couples often ask me how frequently they should be having sex, and, until recently, I've always responded that there's no one right answer. After all, a couple's sex life is affected by so many different factors: age, lifestyle, each partner's health and natural libido and, of course,  the quality of...

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Why More Men are Faking It

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

When it comes to men and their members, we all know that what goes up must, eventually, come down. But what about when a guy's erection goes up and stays up? At first blush, it sounds like bedroom benefit. But delayed ejaculation (DE) is a real problem. This umbrella term...

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Memo to Women: Please Stop Faking

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

As a sex therapist, my profession often makes for interesting, and sometimes awkward, dinner conversation. Not too long ago I was at a cocktail party, when a woman in her mid-30s descended upon me. "Quick" she said in hushed tones, "My husband's getting me a drink. We only have a...

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Sex Ed in the Age of Snooki

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

These days, all you have to do is turn on the TV or pick up a gossip magazine to see the future of our youth--and let me tell you, it's not pretty. In the age of Snooki, "Girls Gone Wild," and Tila Tequila, where on Earth is a young woman...

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When Sex Gets Stale

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

After you've had sex with the same person at least a thousand times it's easy to fall into a routine. For many of us, the most exciting part of a relationship is at the beginning, when we're falling in love. It's a time filled with newness and possibility, hot and...

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Better than Botox: 7 reasons to have sex tonight

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

I often write about the benefits of a healthy sex life in this column, and my colleagues and I at Good in Bed are big champions of the importance of sex in maintaining a healthy relationship. But there are some more surprising benefits of having sex, many of which are...

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The mathematics of multiple Orgasms

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

I may have nearly failed out of high school algebra, but when it comes to sexual mathematics (at least multiplying female orgasms), being a sex therapist puts me at the head of the class. Today's lesson comes from the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms. As far as many...

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Internet infidelity: Is it time to snoop?

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

From Don Juan to David Letterman, infidelity has been around as long as civilization has existed, and the Internet is still but a tiny blip in the long jaded history of adultery. But the Internet is also arguably the biggest threat to relationships that has come along since the birth...

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When He's Just Not that Into Sex

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

A wife who is ready, willing, and eager to have sex. And he's just not feeling it. All this week at Good in Bed, we're talking about low male desire. And while many guys are genuinely afflicted with low libidos, just as many guys are dealing with an even more...

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With Facebook Friends Like That...

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

The movie "The Social Network" is about to hit theaters--but is your marriage already taking a hit from Facebook? If so, join me at Good in Bed, where we're discussing the downside of social networking. We all know how the story goes: Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl--blah, blah, blah....

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Does Too Much Porn Mess with a Guy's Sex Skills?

Posted by Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT

Hey Guys, could your porn-habit be making you less of a lover in the real world? Are you developing what's referred to in the world of sexology as an "idiosyncratic masurbatory style?" If you're thinking "idio-what??" check out this article Don't get me wrong: for the most part, women don't...

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