The Doctor is In!

Sex Timing

By BedroomBlahs on Aug 20, 2010 at 9:35 AM

Help!! Typically my husband wants to have sex at 4 or 5 in the morning. I'm exhausted...and want to sleep!! I'd prefer to be intimate when I'm awake...perhaps around 10pm. However, my husband is usually up, on the computer, until the wee hours of the RARELY go to bed at the same time. How can we mesh our sex time preferences to get on the same page?

3 replies

confused | Aug 20, 2010 at 2:53 PM | Reply | Report

If figure you have confronted him, what did he say? Just wondering, I use to do the same thing to my wife. My reason is she told me it was okay to, but it never happened. Our reason was waiting for the kids to go to sleep.

Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. | Aug 20, 2010 at 6:56 PM | Reply | Report

This is a fairly common difference - men's testosterone levels are highest in the morning, so often that's when they're most into sex. Women, in contrast, are more interested at the end of the day, when they've finished with all the things they have to worry about.

I wonder if your husband really prefers being on the computer late at night INSTEAD of being in bed with you? It would be perfectly reasonable for you to have sex at 10:00ish and then he can go do what he likes and you can go to sleep if you want to.

And of course compromise is always fair; a few times a week - however many you're willing - set an alarm for the early morning and create an opportunity for sex. Once things get started, you may find that your body responds quite well.

DRocK | Aug 23, 2010 at 10:08 PM | Reply | Report

My wife and I have a very similar issue.. Although the difference is; I am not a morning person at all. I absolutely am on the computer / video games until the late hours. We have thought about giving the early morning a try, but we are usually both way too tired. This would work ok since we have kids and we could do it before they wake up and we all start the day. But neither of us are dedicated enough to sacrifice sleep it seems :P At night we are both tired and she gets kind of grumpy and I'd rather unwind at the computer or play games then attempt to romance her just to watch her go to sleep after all my effort (which has happened WAY too many times). It's very important to my wife that we go to bed at the same time (which rarely happens), so having sex and then going about my business as the expert suggested would really turn her off. However maybe trying to get up extra early a couple times a week might work....

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