The Doctor is In!

No Orgasm!

By KAB1387 on Sep 7, 2010 at 8:56 PM

I'm a young female in my early-mid 20's, married to a great guy, physically in great shape, but I'm pretty sure I'm one of those women who thinks she's never had an orgasm. I think I may have had one years ago when I was being fingered by a past ex, but I'm not sure. I felt like I had to pee before we started fooling around (instead of feeling it during the escapade) and then released A LOT of fluid. I know some women feel like they're peeing when they have orgasms but is that what happened with me when I felt like I had to urinate BEFORE we got intimate? Regardless, I've never experienced anything resembling an orgasm with anyone else- not even my husband!- and I'm worried something is wrong with me. Any clues as to how I can achieve this goal? My husband and I try any and every position but no results thus far.

4 replies

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Anna Potter | Sep 8, 2010 at 2:22 PM | Reply | Report

Have you tried masturbating? Most women can't have an orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. I'd HIGHLY recommend getting a good clitoral vibrator (even a cheap bullet vibe will do the job), and going at it by yourself. If you don't know how to make yourself come, chances are no one else will be able to do it for you.

Once you've mastered giving yourself an orgasm alone, incorporate your vibe into play with your husband. Relax--if you don't have an orgasm, you're not weird or dysfunctional or anything like that. I've never had an orgasm from vaginal sex and I'm one of the experts!

If you're worried that there is something physiologically off with you, go to your doctor and ask to have your testosterone levels checked. Let him or her know what the issue is and he or she may be able to give you further guidance.

Manspeak | Sep 9, 2010 at 1:16 PM | Reply | Report

Most women cannot have an orgasm from intercourse alone. Some can but most require manual stimulation which can be digital or oral. Hopefully, your husband understands this and becomes your orgasm generator! When you experience one, I believe you will feel a complete relief and it may last for several minutes -- at least it does with my wife. Good luck.

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Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT | Sep 10, 2010 at 11:59 PM | Reply | Report

Great comments from Anna and Manspeak -- sounds like you and your husband could both benefit from some "sexual cliteracy" -- there are some good free materials on this site in our reference section, as well as our premium guides on Female Orgasms and Orally Pleasuring a Woman, and also my book She Comes First (available via Amazon and other retailers).

NYGiant | Jan 3, 2011 at 1:27 PM | Reply | Report

My first wife could only climax when on top of me, rubbing her clitoral area against by pelvic bone as she went back & forth on my penis. That way she got the "rub' she needed in order to finish. Interestingly, my current wife can NEVER come that way! No two women are alike I suppose.

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