The Doctor is In!

Why do I fantasize about my wife with another man?

By toddjohn on Sep 6, 2010 at 1:18 PM

I often fantasize about wife making love to another man. There have been many love making sessions between my wife and I, in which during the sessions we have whispered to each other, fantasies of her making love to a secret lover. The fantasy-whispering has enhanced her orgasms to an experience that's favorable and indescribable with words; and I enjoy witnessing and experiencing her orgasms.

Over the 14-plus years of marriage, there have been a few occasions that we have successfully turned fantasy into reality. I never participate in the actual fantasy-affairs. My wife would share her experience with her lover later. My reward was hearing the hot stories of the leading up to the sex and sexual act.

My wife decided she wanted to quit with the fantasies. There were no unfavorable experiences or situations.

Nonetheless, I continue to have these fantasies of my wife with another man. Does the fantasy of a husband wanting his wife to have an affair common?

22 replies

Anna Potter | Sep 8, 2010 at 2:26 PM | Reply | Report

This is awesome! This is a pretty common fantasy and it sounds like the two of you have had really healthy and AWESOME experiences with communicating the fantasy with one another, and acting on it. This is not "weird" at all, and I encourage you to keep exploring your fantasies with your wife and having those mind-blowing orgasms!

Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT | Sep 11, 2010 at 12:05 AM | Reply | Report

Yes very common -- fantasies about our partners with somebody else are amongst the most common fantasies for men and women. Definitely encourage your wife to continue to be creative within the safe-zone you've created together. The brain is the biggest sex organ, so keep stimulating it!

DB | Dec 14, 2010 at 4:29 PM | Reply | Report

I've had the same fantasy as did a friend and my brother. The common denomenator was we all thought our wives were beautiful and sexy and fantacized about stepping back and watch our beautiful women perform--wow

Deirdre | Feb 18, 2011 at 1:10 PM | Reply | Report

Do you know why your wife decided to quit?
My husband allowed me to have sex with a stranger in our bedroom, while he watched us from the closet in secret. For him, it was highly exciting. For me, as I have written elsewhere, it was totally the most exciting thing I have ever done--not because the stranger was all that hot or good, but because of the "forbidden feel" to it, my husband watching but being "helpless" to stop it, and the bit of "naughtiness" there was. It only lasted 30 min. or so, and i did not cum. that was OK it was awesome anyway. The guy came for me, left soon afterwards. Once he left my husband & I had a very quick bout of sex so we could each get off. It has enormously spiced up our sex together. I want it to happen again! I'm working on it...
Sorry your wife is not into any more.

astonbella | Nov 19, 2013 at 10:48 PM | Reply | Report

Do you think all good things come to a end sooner or later but you could ask her to go one more time you see I found out my wife had a fling some 10 years ago, I was to be honest delighted she has kept saying sorry and what are you going to do so I said I want a threesome, after no please etc she agreed and only to be a one off so I new a acquaintance from a long time ago and he new my wife but she didn't now him and he was a black guy, well it was fab

marmity | Feb 14, 2014 at 1:22 PM | Reply | Report

I fantasize about this all the time and masturbate to the thoughts too. My wife has had sex with other men (I dropped her off at the hotel) and after sex with them she has come home and given me details while we had sex together.
Very hot and I want to see it in person but she is too shy. Now I insist that I am there but she says it is in the past. A bummer but images are there in my brain...

Mike Pitts | Jul 1, 2015 at 2:02 PM | Reply | Report

We've done it several times. Always with a white guy. We all had a good time with it. The guys were always satisfied as were my wife and I. I always savored the sex we had afterward and yes, I did enjoy the cream pies the guys left for me. And no, I have never had gay/bi sex and don't have any desire to We both agreed to it and everyone had fun. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. We did stop doing it about 15 years ago, but still talk about it and it gets us both pretty sexually charged up. BTW, she had at least 25 strong orgasms that night!!

Monique | Jul 15, 2015 at 12:33 PM | Reply | Report

My husband and I also share this fantasy but we haven't gone through with it yet. Specifically, me with another man, while my husband watches but doesn't participate.

JayinDE | Aug 26, 2015 at 6:01 AM | Reply | Report

I'm relieved that is is a somewhat common fantasy. I've posted elsewhere that I've had this fantasy for a while. Our experience is similar to Diedre's above. I shared my fantasy of seeing my wife have sex with another man during sex.

I expected a potential angry response, but was excited when she just shook her head yes, and came very hard. We role played, did chat, even had sex on Skype for someone before doing it. For us, it was a great experience. The sex we had after was some of the best we ever had. It was as vigorous as when we were newlyweds, and my penis felt as hard as when I was a teenager (I am 48). We definitely will do again.

JayinDE | Aug 27, 2015 at 6:08 AM | Reply | Report

I've had this fantasy of seeing my wife have sex with another man for a long time too. I never realized how common until finding sites like this and chat rooms.

I recently shared with my wife, and was surprised she shares the fantasy too. It has charged up our sex life talking about it and roleplaying. We haven't gone the next step, but are trying to find the right situation.

JayinDE | Sep 3, 2015 at 7:27 AM | Reply | Report

I share this fantasy, as does my wife. I kept it secret for so long. It was a real exciting time when she also admitted having the fantasy. We role play it a lot, just trying to see if we want to do for real b

D | Apr 30, 2016 at 4:46 AM | Reply | Report

We have had several MFM with the same good friend. Mind blowing sex and it raised our sex life afterwards. Unfortunately she dropped the entire possibility of it EVER happening again. SHE decided it was not moral or something a good and proper wife should be doing, so I feel your pain.

Ray | Jun 14, 2016 at 10:18 PM | Reply | Report

This seems to be a very common fantasy for a large percentage of US men and a smaller yet significant percentage of women. I've experienced this feeling since my teens and now in a longterm marriage have cultivated it as a fantasy theme with my wife every time we make love. It took about 5 years of being together to discover how compatible the idea was for us both. She is more reserved than I, and like many women she was and still is more guarded with revealing her sexual fantasies. Our practice is for me to develop a kaleidoscope of ideas and imagery oriented to her having sex with someone else. I guide her thoughts as she becomes aroused. Often I blindfold her and then massage her as the mostly monologue surrounds her. I will prompt feedback aimed at getting her committed to being in the scene I've created for her. Whatever your fantasy, developing a common mental space in which you both explore and satisfy your true lusts is the only authentic way for spouses to remain lovers.

DeadHeadTX | Jun 21, 2016 at 1:06 PM | Reply | Report

This has been a big fantasy for me for years now. We often fantasize using realistic dongs and role play, but I haven't convinced her to take the plunge. She gets really turned on during our role play sessions, but she can't bring herself to do it in reality. She is amazingly hot. I DON'T like the cuckold or humiliation thing. Just having a 3 way or even 5 way, as long as I'm involved.

I love anita | Jul 4, 2016 at 2:20 PM | Reply | Report

Hello I also feel this way I love my wife extremely I have allways wanted my wife to have a sexual relationship with another man I thought this was so weird and tried to forget about it but it keeps popping up in my mind I get so excited thinking about this that I start to breathe different and at times picture it in my mind my wife and I have fantastic sex allways has and I allways wanted to share how she has sex with another man I want her to experience having sex with other men she recently went on a business trip and she was asked by a co worker of title would you spend the night with me to cuddle she said no and left now when she told me I got so happy and excited and I told her she should have caught her off guard but I told her that I have always wanted her to do this and how it made me feel I felt like a new person after telling her and she really understood me omg I love her

Doug | Oct 22, 2016 at 9:47 PM | Reply | Report

I feel your extacy and anguish. I have always fantasized about my wife w another nan. She knows it but would not voluntarily engage in a consentual affair. But she did cheat. It gave me the same thrill, maybe better, but she would give few details. Bottom line, Im a cuck

Dereck Law | Oct 30, 2016 at 6:25 PM | Reply | Report

I have never had this thought until after 5 years with my current wife. She is so sexy to me and even more when she is with another man sexually. We have done this twice and I am not sure she wants to continue. The hard part for me is I can't get it out of my mind. My climax is like no other when its happening or when I think about it. I feel bad sometimes as this is really out of the norm for someone like me. Im well endowed, good looking and confident business owner but I like other men to sleep with my wife. Even with that Im hoping we can do it again soon.

johnnyo | Nov 26, 2016 at 11:05 PM | Reply | Report

I have had this fantasy for some time now we have been married for 30 years now

fredbwhite43@gmail,com | Feb 3, 2017 at 3:39 AM | Reply | Report

I have had this fantasy too for a few years now until I finally told my wife during a lovemaking session and the sex was great but afterwards she told me that she is afraid that I may have gay fantasies and want to suck another cock and now she refuses to fantasize about another cock.

tree | Feb 26, 2017 at 10:31 AM | Reply | Report

I have the same fantasy. I get turned on when we're outside & notice other guys checking out my wife as if they want to have sex with her. I think I'm into cuckhold and want to see her getting rammed by other man. I'd also love threesome. I'm looking for games where I can insert her face photo and gif moving where i can see her getting rammed by other guys.

am_i_on | Mar 4, 2017 at 5:40 PM | Reply | Report

I'd like to set up a scenario in a hotel room with my wife where, while blindfolded and restrained, I can make her think that she's fucking a complete stranger. By pretending to greet someone at the door, put on completely different aftershave, don't speak under any circumstances, etc. I'd be interested to know if anyone has ever contemplated or tried doing this and how it turned out.

Wolfhr | Apr 18, 2017 at 11:33 AM | Reply | Report

I too have the same fantacy but we only kept on talking about this fantacyonly during sex one day i thought to move one step forward i told her to chat with random guys on azar app where you can see each other she was not showing her face i told her to show her face suddenly she cancelled the app and told me that do i really love her then we had a long discussion she told me if next time ill tell her to do so she will leave me i have two kids and have a happy life

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