The Doctor is In!


By Barbie on Oct 14, 2010 at 6:57 AM

How does an older (71) woman, who has not had a satisfactory sex life, have a satisfactory sex life with a partner, she really wants to please. I want to please him as well as be pleased by him but I am unable to have an orgasm even though I really want to. I get to the point where everything is just the greatest but I have been unable to go that final step no matter how much I want to. I really want to enjoy the mutual satisfaction we can give each other.

8 replies

Anna Potter | Oct 14, 2010 at 10:16 AM | Reply | Report

First of all, it's wonderful that you want to take responsibility for your sex life--that you recognize that you've been unsatisfied up until now and that you're ready to get satisfied already!

Have you had an orgasm before? And: are you trying to orgasm through penetrative sex alone? The fact is that most women can't orgasm through vaginal sex alone. What are your and his thoughts about oral sex? We have two great e-books that could help, one on Orally Pleasuring a Man & one on Orally Pleasuring a Woman (which he could maybe take a look at!--it would be great if the two of you were dedicated, together, to getting the most out of sex with one another).

We also have an e-book dedicated to the female orgasm!

Paul | Oct 14, 2010 at 10:45 AM | Reply | Report

In order to teach your partner to how to bring you to orgasm it helps to know how to do it on your own. As attentive as he may be he's not in your body to know precisely where/how you want to be touched to bring you the most pleasure. Only you know that.

Are you able to reach orgasm on your own?

Ed Ratush | Oct 14, 2010 at 11:18 AM | Reply | Report

Can you tell me more about your orgasm historyŘź
Did you have them before?
How? Can you achieve them with masturbation?
How does he feel about your intimate life?
How does he feel about your pleasure?

Logan Levkoff, Ph.D. | Oct 14, 2010 at 11:22 AM | Reply | Report

Barbie, that's a great question for a lot of reasons. First, we are sexual beings throughout our lives. Sex is definitely not just for the young; we are all entitled to pleasurable and fulfilling sex at all ages. I suppose the first question is: Have you ever had an orgasm? If you have, what were you doing that got you to climax? Do you or have you ever masturbated? If you can achieve orgasm that way, perhaps you can show your partner what turns you on so that he can do the same? Have you ever used a vibrator? A vibrator can be a wonderful tool to use with a partner as well as alone. Many women do not achieve orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone, so a little assistance can go a long way. I hope this helps!

Barbie | Oct 14, 2010 at 9:38 PM | Reply | Report

My sex life was with a man that did what he wanted and that was it. I got to where I did not want sex. Then I met the man I am now with and I want it and want the pleasure for both of us. I have had orgasms but not through intercourse and not very often. I can achieve them through masturbation but I don't as it takes a long time for me to achieve it. My partner wants more sex from me and works very hard to try to get me to have an orgasm but not aways successfully. When I do he is very happy and then has a good orgasm himself but if I don't he sometimes loses interest. have used a vibrator a few times and it helped. I just want to have some real good times with the person I am with. He has had a bad life with women as I have with men but we both want to please each other. We are the same age and not in the best of health but we work good together and we both want to, have a good sexual life with each other.

firefighter | Oct 15, 2010 at 3:08 PM | Reply | Report

Thank you for the clarification. We all wish you well. If my comment listed below seems out of context, it's because I wrote it without seeing your update. My comment and your update were approved by the moderators at the same time.

I think your mind could be the biggest issue in your situation. As hard as it may seem, try to let go of what happened in the past and focus on pleasing your partner and the fun times that lie ahead. Good luck.

firefighter | Oct 15, 2010 at 8:06 AM | Reply | Report

Barbie, I commend you for submitting your question and wanting to learn how to be a better lover for your partner and what you need to do to routinely achieve the big "O".

Are you taking any medications that might be interfering with your ability to achieve orgasm?

Others have suggested masturbation which is a great suggestion to help you understand what is pleasing and not-so-pleasing for you and your body. I would also suggest mutual masturbation which should be a fun activity for both you and your partner. Watching him pleasure himself might help you achieve the big "O".

Since the brain is the biggest sex organ, have you fantasized while masturbating or having sex. That might help. If one of your fantasies happens to be doing it with a younger guy, the line for potential candidates forms behind me! :) If you have a fantasy of doing it with multiple guys, me and my crew would be happy to help out! Just kidding, I couldn't resist.

As always, have fun and play safe.

Anna Potter | Nov 2, 2010 at 4:18 PM | Reply | Report

There's also something that K-Y makes that might help--it's called Intense and it is supposed to improve climax. K-Y even went so far as to have studies done using the gel--75% of women reported higher arousal, sensitivity, and pleasure, and 90% of those women said using it improved their overall experience. Good luck!

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